"GriefShare is a church based support group. They do have meetings online, but the usual format is a group of people experiencing a loss getting together weekly to watch videos (13 weeks total) about grief and loss. After the video, we talk about the…"
Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Don't grieve alone; 14,000 members and growing
My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
My husband is my soulmate, my love, my heart. I knew from the moment I met him that we were soulmates, meant to be together (that is not hyperbole -- I really did know). We were together for nearly 13 years before he died; he died of a sudden, unexpected heart attack, literally one week to the day after our wedding. His death killed him and destroyed me.
I cannot begin to explain the devastation. From the second I knew he died I have wanted him to come back, to have our life together that we were meant to have -- and failing that, I want nothing more than to die. I am agnostic (verging on atheist, since my husband died), so I don't know if there's a god or an afterlife. I hope there is, and that my husband is there, happy and still himself, and that we will be together again, and I hope I die as soon as possible so that I can be with him. If there is no such thing as an afterlife, then I still hope I die as soon as possible so that this horrific pain of missing him will be over.
The worst thing about all of this is not knowing if my sweet, wonderful husband's soul still exists, as it should. The second worst thing is not having him here with me, living our life together. But after those, there are so many other bad things now -- whatever tenuous faith I may have had in the possibility of a loving god is gone and now if there is a god I hate her/him, any chance we/I had to have children is gone, I can barely relate to my family or spend time with them (though they are wonderful and loving, but it's not enough to make me want to live), I am severely depressed and have absolutely no desire to live.
People say "It's sad, but you have to move on". No, I f***ing don't -- and won't, in any way. The only reason I haven't killed myself yet is because I promised my family that I wouldn't, but there's no way I will choose to live for years -- if god or the universe or whatever doesn't kill me, eventually I will. For as long as I am forced to live, I will NEVER date anyone else -- I am MARRIED, and my husband's death does not change that. The very idea of even going on a date with anyone else is sickening to me, and always will be (I'm not condemning anyone else who chooses to date after the death of their spouse or partner, I'm just saying that this is how it is for me). I have no desire to ever do anything with my life now (I didn't used to be like that, only since my husband died).
I'm not even sure why I'm typing this here, or what I'm looking for. I definitely don't want any responses about how god never gives us more than we can bear, or how god is good, or basically anything about god -- if god exists at all, i have no use for her/him. No offense to those who do have faith of any kind, but it's not for me and I don't want to hear it.
Views: 129749
Replies to This Discussion
-
Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on
-
its ok bluebird its my bad spelng after i lost my dad wish is still hrts 2 bad now i lost mre peple on top wish dnt hlp i cud go on all day peple i lost after him frm family 2 frinds 2 nboz wish i dnt thnk cud happen 2012 wz so bad coz it wz yr my dad died thn ths yr a lot mre died but wn i got told 2 get over it its easy id lk 2 no hw i wud never evr say tht 2 any 1 my mum got tld smw thng as me get over it foget abot him foget evry 1 th we hav lost thm words r so cruel 2 say 2 any 1
jo
peple shud not forse us 2 get over grief coz thy r dong mre hrm 2 us
-
Permalink Reply by bluebird on
-
Anyone who tries to force you to get over your grief should be told that each person needs to process grief in her/his own way, and some of us never process it or get over it at all (I am one of those people). Giving them the benefit of the doubt, maybe they are trying to be helpful and actually think that what they're saying will be helpful.
For people who keep saying stuff like that even though you've told them that only you can know or decide how, when, or if you will process your grief -- well, in my opinion they need to be told to bugger off.
-
-
1s it hav sead it bluebird hav never ever lost any 1 yet
i wud not wish ths grief on any 1
i cnt get over thngs lk ths coz i loved my dad so mush lk my mum we both did i luv respect peple 2 mush
buger off thng my mum tld thm tht but it begin with f
-
-
I was going to say that they need to be told what your mom said, but I don't know if cursing is allowed on this forum....
-
-
wot mad it worse wz peple dicctating tell us 2 thrw thngs away wish we wear not redy 2 do
thn u get thes thngs comg up lk xmas wish dnt hlp i no for a ot of pele on hear it will be 1st 1 wear thr loved 1s r not hear sm of us 2nd 1 or othrs 3rd or 4th
but im now dredng 2nd 1
-
Permalink Reply by Pam on
-
Totally agree Bluebird....all this has happened to me these past few days. Well meaning people trying to tell me what I 'need' to do. How does anyone know what a grieving person needs?All I need is to be with my beloved husband.
Last week, One person asked me if a lodger would help? I said no - not at all. Or would I bake her some cakes? I politely declined & said these were precious everyday things which were part of our life together. I cant do these things just for myself ....or anyone else.
It happened yesterday again with another person...I ended up in floods of tears. It was insinuated that my friends might get fed up/give up on me. Well I now think.....So what? If that happens, it will make my exit from this life a whole lot easier.
I do try to give the benefit of the doubt - but Im finding it quite hard with some people. I will use your suggestion "anyone who tries to force you to get over your grief.....never get over it". I won't get over losing my darling either.
-
Permalink Reply by Brenda Ann on
-
There is no other relationship like that of a marriage mate. The Bible says that husband and wife are “one flesh.” (Eph. 5:33; Gen. 2:23, 24) Over time, the attachment a couple have to each other gains strength, as does their love for each other. You might compare it to the roots of two trees growing side by side. The feelings of a happily married husband and wife knit and intertwine. Separation due to the passing of one mate rips away part of the living mates supporting root system leaving a terrible void. The bond, unbreakable in life, is broken. The surviving widow or widower is often left with a blend of heartache, loneliness, and maybe even some anger or guilt. There is no way to comprehend it until you go through it.
The Bible confirms that the pain of losing a mate is both cruel and long lasting. When Sarah passed away, Abraham, her husband, “came in to bewail Sarah and to weep over her.” (Gen. 23:1, 2) Despite having faith in the resurrection, Abraham felt intense grief when his loved one died. (Heb. 11:17-19) After his dear wife Rachel died, Jacob did not soon forget her. He spoke tenderly about her to his sons.—Gen. 44:27; 48:7.
What lesson should we learn from these Scriptural examples? Widows and widowers often feel the pain of loss for years. We should view their tears and times of sadness, not as a weakness, but as an understandable consequence of their great loss. You may need our empathy and support for a long time.
"ONE DAY AT A TIME"
The life of a widow or widower is not a simple return to being single. After years of marriage, a husband usually knows how to comfort his wife and lift her spirits when she feels blue or frustrated. If he is gone, her source of love and comfort is gone too. Similarly, over time a wife learns how to make her husband feel secure and happy. Her gentle touch and soothing words, the attention she gives to his interests and needs are like nothing else. If she dies, he may feel an emptiness in his life. Hence, some who are bereft of their mates look to the future with uncertainty and fear. Is there anything that can help? Are there any Bible principles that can help security and peace be found?
“Never be anxious about the next day, for the next day will have its own anxieties. Sufficient for each day is its own badness.” (Matt. 6:34) Those words of Jesus apply in particular to material needs in life, but they have helped many to endure the ordeal of losing their beloved mate - thus the suggestion to take one day at a time.
Death was not part of God's original purpose. On the contrary, it is part of “the works of the Devil.” (1 John 3:8; Rom. 6:23) Satan uses death and the fear it may provoke to keep many people in slavery and without hope. (Heb. 2:14, 15) Satan is pleased when someone despairs of finding true happiness and satisfaction, even in God’s new world that we pray for in the "Lord's prayer. Thus, the distress a grieving mate feels over the loss of his or her partner is the result of Adam’s sin and Satan’s machinations. (Rom. 5:12) God will completely remedy the damage caused by Satan, defeating his cruel weapon of death. The ones emancipated, or freed, from the fear that Satan cultivates include many who have lost a mate, just as you have.
One of the clearest teachings of God’s Word is that dead loved ones will return to life. Bible accounts of past resurrections guarantee that “all those in the memorial tombs will hear [Jesus’] voice and come out.” (John 5:28, 29) People alive at that time will find happiness as they meet those freed from death’s grip. On the other hand, we cannot even conceive of the happiness that the resurrected ones will feel.
As the dead come forth, the earth will be filled with joy as never before. Billions of once dead humans will again take their place among the living. (Mark 5:39-42; Rev. 20:13) Meditating on this future miracle should comfort all who have lost dear ones in death.
Will anyone have a valid reason to be sad when that grand return to life occurs? The Bible answers no. According to Isaiah 25:8, Jehovah “will actually swallow up death forever.” That includes the complete removal of the distressing effect of death, for the prophecy goes on to say: “The Sovereign Lord Jehovah will certainly wipe the tears from all faces.” As you feel sadness now because your partner in life has died, the resurrection will certainly give you reason for happiness and hope for the future.
A REASON FOR HOPE
Rather than be apprehensive, cultivate hope. From a human viewpoint, the future is gloomy. But God gives us the hope of something better. We cannot know exactly how God will satisfy all our needs and desires, yet we should not doubt that he will do so. The apostle Paul wrote: “Hope that is seen is not hope, for when a man sees a thing, does he hope for it? But if we hope for what we do not see, we keep on waiting for it with endurance.” (Rom. 8:24, 25) A strong hope in God’s promises will help you to endure. Through endurance, you will experience that grand future in which Jehovah God(Psalms 83:18) will “give you the requests of your heart.” He will satisfy “the desire of every living thing.”—Ps. 37:4; 145:16; Luke 21:19.
Near the time of Jesus’ death, his apostles became distraught. Jesus consoled them with these words: “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Exercise faith in God, exercise faith also in me.” He told them: “I shall not leave you bereaved. I am coming to you.” (John 14:1-4, 18, 27)
Isaiah 41:10
-
-
Brenda Ann,
I appreciate your thoughts, but I do not share your view of God. While I'm sure you are well-intentioned, I would appreciate it if you did not quote the bible at me. As I stated in my initial post, "I definitely don't want any responses about how god never gives us more than we can bear, or how god is good, or basically anything about god -- if god exists at all, i have no use for her/him. No offense to those who do have faith of any kind, but it's not for me and I don't want to hear it."
-
-
Brenda Ann
I respect your faith which is obviously very strong. These past 12 weeks since I lost my beloved husband have been torture....I'm not angry - but I am heartbroken and in deep grief. I have no anxieties at all about the material aspects of living and have no fear of death either. I just do not want to live without my darling husband. I've prayed to God that He will show me some mercy & allow me to join my dear husband. I have no meaning or purpose in my life at all. A few people have told me that I will find a purpose...to which I say - how do they know? Can mere mortals guarantee that? My husband was my meaning & purpose & like everything, it is very individual to each of us - so who can make sweeping statements like that?
I would be interested if you could lead me to a passage in the Bible which states that God will guarantee that he will deliver a meaning & purpose to me - real & tangible but not ones that will replace my darling husband - he can never be replaced. I cannot imagine anything which can fill this emptiness -this shell of a woman who has no spirit , no motivation, no inspiration....nothing at all.
-
Permalink Reply by Dennis C. on
-
Pam,
Here is an interesting quote from a very wise man
Comfort
“ If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair. ”
I agree with this. The TRUTH is essential if we are going to move forward successfully. The truth about what?
In this discussion....truth about death!!!!!!
Why do we die?
What happens when we die?
Is there a future for those that die?
Can we be reunited with our loved ones?
The information we can read on these issues is vast. Many sources are available. We need to educate ourselves and let truth prove itself. Listening to different views can be eye opening and educational.
We need to push aside ALL past conclusions and investigate every source of information (even the Bible) with an honest search of truth, and then we all can find purpose in life, which gives us HOPE and comfort.
-
-
Thank you Dennis .Ive read some of the information on line & so many books on what happens to us when we die. It did chime with my beliefs but its so hard to hold on to these things when grieving.
I think it's about faith & trust....which are intangible. If I could just know that my darling is safe, loved & well, then I feel I'd be more settled in my mind. If I could just know that he is close & that we will be together soon, then that would give me some hope. Its the not 'knowing' which scares me, and makes me afraid to hope - if you get my drift. I so want to be with my husband - it's too difficult to live without him. If I cant 'know' then I just want to die so we can be together - as we're meant to be. -
-
-
Pam,
Here is a definition of faith.
"Faith is the assured expectation of what is hoped for, the evident demonstration of realities that are not seen."
So faith and hope are directly connected.
I also believe that TRUST and faith are directly connected as well.
What does that mean? To me it means this...
If we have a strong HOPE in something and TRUST completely that it will happen - we have faith!!!!!
The key is having this all based on FACT and REALITY or as I say....TRUTH.
Can truth be found? I say emphatically....YES
Once truth is found then we will find purpose, comfort, hope, and trust
Just my view, but it helps get through my grief and sorrow.
And by the way, I believe that none of this takes our pain away, but it does help us navigate through it all with a clear purpose. -
Groups
-
Being the Other Woman/Ot…
45 members
-
Loss of a loved one to a…
3 members
-
Grief Counseling
141 members
-
Sibling Loss
10 members
-
Losing My Sister
5 members
-
Losing a Sister
94 members
-
Funeral Service
2 members
-
I miss my Mom!
751 members
-
LESBIAN ..GAY 2 SPIRITE…
15 members
-
Loss of a child In memor…
29 members
-
Too Young To Die
17 members
-
Multiple Losses Group
324 members
-
Zoom Grief Support
39 members
-
Orphaned Adults
80 members
-
Sole Survivors
15 members
Latest Activity
"is griefshare a website like this?"
"Kali
I’m so so sorry you are going through this. Grief is hard enough, but going through it secretly, all the while having to continue showing up for your kids, is just brutal.
Perhaps your friend was careful to hide your conversations behind…"
It was not supposed to be like this
In 2014 I met the most amazing man ever. We were both in our very early 20s and were looking for different things at the time. We ceased communication for roughly 6 months. During which time, he completed basic training and joined the Air Force. By the time we reconnected he was already at his first duty station.. 8 hours away.We decided we wanted to continue our relationship and proceeded to cultivate a deeply emotional connection. Regular calls and video chats, visits while he was home on…See More
© 2024 Created by Ninja.
Powered by
