Well, I don't know if I posted my story or not. I lost my Mom in June of 2010. It was lung cancer and a horrible ordeal.
She was my best friend of my entire life. I am single. I lived in her house and contributed. It was a big house and we had our space. My siblings and I had a big falling out. They evicted me and wanted to sell the house. It was not quite paid off. I could not afford to buy them out. I begged them to not sell it and to possibly go in on it with me so I could still live there and they could have a place to stay when they are in town. But no. They sold it for a ridiculously low price, just to get rid of it. There is still bad blood. They are trying to reach out to me and I am now reciprocating reluctantly.
Anyway, I now live in a nice small one bedroom apartment with my loving dog, who my Mom also loved dearly.
I have a LOT to be thankful for and a lot is good. I am trying to rebuild my life and have had some great times that have been healing.
However, for the last few months I have been not wanting to get out of bed in the morning, having crying spells and even suicidal thoughts (though I would not carry them out). I just feel sad every morning when I wake up.
I am so depressed about the life I used to have and everywhere I go, there is a memory of the life that WAS!
I feel so alone in the world and feel such a feeling of abandonment. My dreams at night are telling me this too.
It has been 3 years and I feel I am NOT doing better. I feel trapped at times in this place and just want my old house back! I just feel I am not doing better and feel so alone. I cry a lot and just miss my Mom and Dad more than ever.
Thanks for reading.
