Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Stanley Ruiz on August 27, 2013 at 4:44pm

I AM GAY AND I LOST MY SOUL MATE .I FEEL I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME PERSON AGAIN.HE WAS SHOT IN THE HEART IN OUR FUTURE RETIREMENT HOME DURING A HOME INVASION WHILE WE WERE ASLLEP   AND I WAS WOUNDED  AND NEAR DEATH BUT THAT IS ELEVEN MONTHS AGO .I KNOW IT IS HARD BUT WE CAN NOT CHANGE WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU.PRAYER HAS HELPED ME A LOT .I STILL CRY BUT I THINK THAT RALPH WOULD WANT ME TO KEEP MOVING AHEAD.I CAN NOT SEE HIM BUT HE IS NEAR ME .ACCEPT THE REALITY AND MOVE AHEAD THAT IS WHAT YOUR HUSBAND WOULD WANT YOU TO DO.I KNOW YOU ARE LONELY BUT YOU MUST DO WHAT HE WOULD WANT YOU TO DO.IIT IS NOT EASY BUT YOU CAN DO MOVE AHEAD INCH BY INCH.THAT IS WHAT I AM DOING SINCE OCTOBER1,2012 . STANLEY

Permalink Reply by Bexsy on August 27, 2013 at 4:53pm

I'm so sorry for your loss, Stanley. I send you hugs and prayers. I do understand what you mean about moving on that is exactly what my husband would want. I just feel numb.

Permalink Reply by Stanley Ruiz on August 27, 2013 at 5:15pm

 DO  NOT FEEL NUMB AND TRY NOT BE ALONE .TRY AND BE IN CONTACT WITH PEOPLE AND FAMILY AND FRIENDS.IN THE BEGINNING I STAYED ALONE<NEVER ANSWERED THE PHONE OR THE DOORBELL >I DID NOT EVEN  LISTEN TO THE RADIO OR TV.I NEVER REALIZED THAT OTHER PEOPLE LOVED RALPK /I WAS UNFAIR TO THEM AND TO OTHERS.DO NOT DO THAT OK?/KEEP DOING THE THINGS THAT HE WOULD WANT YOU TO DO .THINK OF IT?HE IS STILL HERE  WITH YOU.KEEP IN TOUCH STANLEY

Permalink Reply by Stanley Ruiz on August 27, 2013 at 6:54pm

 YOU CAN GET THROUGH IT BUT IT IS HARD> DAY BY DAY INCH BY INCH BUT YOU HAVE NO CHOICE.HE IS STILL HERE WATCHING YOU .IF YOU LOVED HIM AND HE IS WATCHING OVER YOU ALL< THE TIME.YOU DO NOT SEE HIM BUT HE IS THERE STANLEY

Permalink Reply by Bexsy on August 27, 2013 at 4:54pm

Hi, Carol. So sorry for your loss. It really is challenging. My husband was my best friend and I know the shock of what happened is what has me scared the most. I just did not see this coming. Sending you hugs!!!

Permalink Reply by Raj on August 27, 2013 at 5:36pm

Hi Bexsy,
I am so sorry for your loss and I know exactly what you are going through and it is very hard. I lost my beloved wife in a terrible car accident in India two and half years ago. She died abruptly and I was sitting next to her and survived with 18 fractures. Since I was in critical condition, no one told me that she is gone, I could not even go to her funeral. We had a beautiful married life for 36 years. After 5 surgeries, thank God I am able to work and returning to normal life as per others. But inside everyday, I yearn for her to tell me that she is okay. Two things have helped me a little - joining a grief support group and praying/meditation. Life is full of surprises and I am still trying to find the purpose of my life. We have to take one step at a time towards the destination chosen for us. I wish you all the best and please rest assure that your husband is still with you not in physical form but spiritually.
Regards,
Raj

Permalink Reply by Danny on September 3, 2013 at 4:54pm

It is very tough Bexsy.  Sudden departure at any age will take a while so I am in the same boat as you in that sense.  Just take it slowly.  I'll write more later. But for now: we have to believe that the person is with us in a different way.  He/she can still hear us from their vantage point. Yes there is a void but it is important to 'hold on' to the person right now and then let go of some things after a while and that could be different for everyone.