Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by MothersWhoHaveLostAChild on March 24, 2013 at 2:34pm

I am sorry for the recent loss of your father, and past loss of your mother. I lost my father at 15. I understand completely how difficult it is to lose a beloved parent at a young age like that.

What you may not see and realize is how strong you truly are. When a parent passes away while we are teens, the other parent is left to be the strong one, and it isn't always the case. We tend to step in and pick up some of the pieces being left unattended to. Since they too are struggling through their grief, we become stronger. We are pushed to adulthood much quicker as a result of needing to be stronger.

You will have many moments of questioning who you are and what you are doing and if you are doing it right. Reaching out to the community and support groups as you have done is one great step to feeling whole again. Maybe finding a way that you can help someone else feel better, someone who feels as you do, will in turn help you. For example a big sister program where the young lady has also lost a parent and you can be their strength. I realize that will not take away your feelings of not having anyone to go to, but it may help you find that person to turn to when you need to reach out for help.

Hugs, many many hugs.

Christine

on behalf of Mother's Who have Lost a Child.

http://www.motherswhohavelostachild.com/

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Permalink Reply by Jessica Granantowski on April 2, 2013 at 12:43am

Amanda -

I think my timeline is very similar.  I lost my mom two days before my 13th birthday, and my dad at 19 in 2005.  I'm now 28.  Life threw me another curveball in January when my younger (and only) sister committed suicide at 25 - leaving me as the last living member of my immediate family in my 20's.  Like everybody, I am so sorry for your loss - but I know that doesn't help much.  What I will tell you, as somebody who has made it through almost 10 years as an "adult" orphan when my sibling couldn't do it...  you CAN do it.  You have two choices:  1.  Honor the memory of your parents and become the person they would have wanted you to become.  Or 2. Throw in the towel and give up on yourself.  To me, #2 wasn't an option...  and I'm guessing that since you're out there looking for help, its not an option for you either.  It won't be easy... at all... I'm still dealing with all sorts of abandonment issues and isolationist impulses...   but your parents fought and probably sacrificed in order to give you an opportunity to be better than they ever were, and if you can make it your goal to make them proud, you will find the strength to get through anything else life throws at you.

Feel free to email or message me if you want to talk off of the discussion boards.  You're the first person I've found that lost both parents before 20 too.

Hang in there...  you may never be "fine", but you can be extraordinary in the meantime.

Jess

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Permalink Reply by Kelsie on April 26, 2013 at 8:10pm

I feel the same way as you do. I'm 19 and I lost my mom in 2005 and my dad in 2007. The feeling of being an orphan hasn't gone away for me for a while, i'll always feel cheated out of what could have been. Although time helps it still hurts knowing the life you've imagined for your self won't happen. I know its hard but it will eventually get easier and you'll be able to heal.

I haven't met anyone who has lost both parents at a young age but I do find talking to someone who has been through a similar situation to help because they typically understand what you may be going through.

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Permalink Reply by Michael Morton on April 30, 2013 at 3:52pm

Hello Amanda, I am so sorry for your loss.  I know it's got to be hard with both of your parent's gone.  I don't know how I would be making it right now without mine.  I understand your feelings about it's you against the world.  I know you don't feel like your strong enough but I am being told over and over that it get's better...that it get's easier.  You be tough...(unlike me who cries like a damn baby everyday)...and go tackle the world head on!!  I have no dought you will make it.  And if you need any help, we all have your back.

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Permalink Reply by Melissa Newman Baker on July 31, 2013 at 11:17pm

I lost my dad in September 2010. I was 26 years old. I was just starting to feel like a real human being again when I lost my mom on may 7th 2013. I am 29 years old and also know what it's like to feel like an orphan. So far I don't feel it is getting any easier. But sometimes it's just helpful to know that I'm not alone in this situation....hope you are doing well.

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