Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by kim milligan on March 2, 2010 at 10:16pm

Hi. I lost my fifty year old husband on jan 10th... He was driving home from work and was five minutes from home. I and our six year old daughter were home waiting for him. He was late and didn't answer his phone, and I saw on facebook there was a wreck in a nearby town involving a white truck and van. I knew it was his truck. The other drive had come completely into my husband's lane and hit him head on. We are devastated. I know your feeling of total loss and I don't judge you... I am struggling but trying my hardest to do the daily things that must be done. I lost a beautiful, loving, funny, sarcastic man. I am so sorry for your loss as well

Permalink Reply by Lara on March 2, 2010 at 11:25pm

Thank you so, so much for not being judgmental of me. I'm so sorry you lost your husband.
I don't know how I became this person I am who isn't someone to be admired, and certainly not respected. I'm not even able to think about it right now though because I'm consumed by this pain that I can't stuff down inside of me anymore. I haven't allowed myself to grieve. Up until now I've been staying busy, but I just can't cope anymore. The mask I've been hiding behind has broken and I'm a mess.

Permalink Reply by Toni Davis on March 3, 2010 at 1:22am

Lara,
I lost my pastner just on five months ago. He died suddenly and I found him and tried to save him but to no avail.
I have no judgements on either you or the power of love. What is difficult for you is that no one was witness to your love and so can not know your loss.
Well now you have a place where you can share both with us.
And I admire and respect any person who has the strength to love another, no matter what the circumstances are.
Part of loss and grief is that we all have the guilt, and remorse and longings...and the wish that things could have been different, both in life and death.
Talk to us here, your safe.
Toni X

Permalink Reply by Monica Pace on April 26, 2010 at 4:35pm

Lara, you are HUMAN - give yourself a break! Sometimes love happens when we least expect it, and maybe it happens before you can really figure out what's going on! Again, I am so very sorry that you can't grieve publically. Family and friends can be so helpful. I hope that now, a month and a half after you posted this comment, that you have found some healthy outlets for your grief. My heart breaks for you.

Permalink Reply by Lara on March 10, 2010 at 12:47am

Thank you so much for your understanding and your empathy. I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your husband, especially to a heart attack at such a young age. I just never even considered that something like this could happen in MY life. I know I've always been a bit naive, but I had no idea that such unrelenting pain even existed. Now that 2 months have passed since Pete died, life is moving on for our friends. I've tried to resume interest in the people & activities in my life, but my heart isn't in it. I've tried refocusing on new interests, but I quickly become disenchanted with them. Now I'm not only suffering in silence because my heart is broken; now I'm angry too! I'm easily offended & become defensive over even the smallest things. I guess this is probably part of the grieving process & will ultimately lead toward a sort of healing. It's agonizing, but it's going to happen regardless of how I try to avoid it. This site IS a good place to release my feelings. It is helping me to work through it in my own head & heart. The people here have experienced what I'm feeling. The few people in my life who I can talk to about Pete & about how I'm feeling have other things on their minds they talk about. If I cry about life without Pete every time they talk to me, they probably won't look forward to it! So thanks for listening and understanding.

Permalink Reply by Monica Pace on April 26, 2010 at 4:04pm

Hi Lara,
I just this very minute joined this website and I cannot believe that yours is the first post I looked at. I, too, lost my 50 year old boyfriend very suddenly on February 13th, and guess what? He died in my arms! Of a brain aneurysm. He was very youthful and healthy - had no symptoms whatsoever. And I have also never experienced any loss like this. The only deaths in my life were my grandparents, one who died at age 97 and another at 95. Sad, but that's what's SUPPOSED to happen so it's completely different. We also have something else in common. I am technically married, though I have been living apart from my husband for 13 years. He is Italian and lives over there. I feel deep in my heart, despite not having that piece of paper, that I am NOT married. Even my very Catholic family didn't feel that I was cheating. I guess my Catholic guilt makes me say that, but I want you to know that I understand and I do not judge you. I was never in love for one minute with my husband, but I was young and I guess I didn't really realize it. I fell so deeply in love with Damon, almost immediately!! I am just devastated and though I do feel that things are a little better than they were the first month, I am still taking one step at a time and I'm finding no joy in anything. It is SO hard. And I can't seem to find a support group (in person I mean) to join either. I do have lots of family support, thank God. Wouldn't have made it without family and friends. So I cannot imagine your situation where you have to keep it to yourself!! I am SO sorry for you.
I still don't know how this works. Can we chat sometime? Or is it just emails back and forth? I have to leave for work. Your posting made me a little weepy, so I need to go fix my face! I hope that things are a little bit better since March 2nd when you wrote this.

Permalink Reply by Joseph R Balfour on May 11, 2010 at 3:28pm

you know what your not a bad person I just lost the love of my life on 4-2-10 and I understand what your feeling Im new to this and yours said something to me I would like to see how you reply I to feel like Im losing my mind my heart is in so much pain right now and there are people who dont understand this it would be nice to talk to you more about this if not I hope you can really see that you are not bad for loving him the things around this dont matter its all about you and him and the love that is there..........