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Permalink Reply by Adrianne Edgerly on March 21, 2013 at 2:40am

I'm so sorry. I understand. What keeps me from suicide is the fear I won't see my son.
This site helps. Nothing changes our reality. It won't get better. It will get different.
You are so young to have to hurt this much.

http://www.afterlifeforums.com/

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Permalink Reply by Bill Smith on March 21, 2013 at 8:23am

Miles, I am so terribly sorry.  I lost my daughter to a rare disease (Krabbe's) at an even younger age, so while of course I don't know how you feel, I can appreciate the searing pain you are dealing with.  I wondered if life was worth living too.  Please, hard as it may seem to believe, trust me, it is.  It took a long time and was a mighty struggle but I did regroup and eventually found life worth living.  I wouldn't call it "moving on" - that's a stupid term IMO as it sounds like you're supposed to leave her behind, which is ridiculous - it's more like "getting through."  You will never be the same, but that doesn't mean your life is over.  Please don't just give up on life.  One thing I eventually realized from that loss was how precious life is.  Given that, I couldn't bring myself to waste that gift of life that I had.  It would have been unfair to me as well as the people who cared about and loved me.  The same is true of you.  Their pain is not the same as yours of course but they suffered a terrible loss too.  Please don't add to it and add one terrible thing on top of another.  If they are not being supportive in keeping in touch or expecding you to just "move on" without getting how hard this is and how long it can take, clue them in, or maybe point them to web sites such as this where those who know better can.   A lack of support and understanding from even family and friends is unfortunately all too common..

 

If your therapist doesn't seem to be helping, try another.  I had to do this before I found one that helped.  Also are you seeing a psychologist or a grief counselor?  Both can help of course if you find the right one, but I would personally suggest the latter as they specialize in this.  Also consider group sessions.  This can help you to realize others "get it" and speaking to someone that does helped me - I didn't have to really explain the pain, the difficulties, because they already knew.  Now maybe that isn't for you, again these are just ideas to try or consider.  You might also consider checking out anti-depressant meds - I am not a fan of how easily such things are dished out by doctors nowdays, but this is an extreme situation which may merit it for a time, to help you through this darkest of times.

 

As for God, I hate when someone "preaches" to me and so not about to do it to you.  But consider this:  if He doesn't exist as you are wondering now, then keep in mind that would mean dying won't bring you together with Mia.  If He does, she is in the most wonderful place imaginable and although of course she misses you as you miss her, you will see each other again one day.  But before that, it's worth it to get back to the business of living this life.  It CAN be worth living again.  Yes it is hard beyond words and takes a lot of time, but you can do this.

 

I wish you the very best and if nothing else for now pls feel free to rant here or wherever.  That's part of why places like this exist.   Take care -

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Permalink Reply by Sheila B. on July 9, 2013 at 1:21am

Sorry for the loss of your son and your unanswered questions. Hopefully someday you will know what happened. I hope a job comes around soon. Even if you are overqualified and it helps for now. Good luck. 

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Permalink Reply by Sheila B. on July 9, 2013 at 1:08am

Miles, 

I'm very sorry this happened and for what you are going through. I'm here because I lost my mother and I saw your very sad post. You had the strength to say you want help dealing and that is hope.

My good friend's grandson died at the age of 6. He was born with holes in his heart and endured many surgeries on his weak little body. They were told he would have to have the surgery every year until he was 18. His not having to go through was the only thing that helped them. There is no way to explain a child being sick and nothing worse than seeing them in a coffin. It hasn't even been a year, don't listen to people telling you to get over it. That is a lifelong pain and loss you will never get over. Maybe try another doctor like Bill said. Group therapy does help too, sometimes more than individual and maybe you could make some friends that understand. Please don't give up. Perhaps you can find an organization that helps children in need just to get out of the house. It may help you to feel better to use your pain to another child's benefit. Best wishes things will soon get better for you. 

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Permalink Reply by Jane P on July 9, 2013 at 11:39am

How are you today?

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Permalink Reply by Dennis C. on July 19, 2013 at 7:56am

Dear Miles

I am so sorry for your terrible loss. I can't imagine how you must feel.
A couple of links to some information that has helped me.

1) http://www.jw.org/en/bible-teachings/questions/why-do-people-die/

2) http://www.jw.org/en/bible-teachings/questions/when-you-die/

I also like to think about this scripture:

Mark 5:41,42 — And, taking the hand of the young child, he said to her: “Tal′i·tha cu′mi,” which, translated, means: “Maiden, I say to you, Get up!” 42 And immediately the maiden rose and began walking, for she was twelve years old. And at once they were beside themselves with great ecstasy.

This is an account about a 12 year old girl who had died and was brought back to life by Jesus.

It's just a wonderful account. And notice that the parents did not need to die to be reunited with their daughter.

If there is anything I can do to comfort you, PLEASE let me know.

DRC

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