Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Melisa C on March 11, 2013 at 7:07am

kathy I was also left alone and scared. I was never the most social person so I don't have a lot of people around me. My relatives that I'm closer to are elderly people, my aunts and godparents are older than my mom who passed away. I know it's a very morbid thought, but they will die and I will be here to see it. It's hard to make sense of it. I go from feeling scared about the future to thinking that since mom isn't here, why does the future even matter?

 I guess we are supposed to continue with our lives for them too, but it's overwhelming!

Permalink Reply by kathy bishop on March 11, 2013 at 10:00am

Melisa,

     Believe this or not by I would rather be with the love of my life and my mom right now than have to go through this. Nothing make sense to me at this point.  40 years with my husband, my daughter said to me the other day, mom you can't be depressed forever, you have to try!  My answer to her was to try what?? The meds are working, I have my butt in church and in therapy, what am I not doing, and what does she want me to try to do? She lost a dad, I understand that, she lost her grandma 3 weeks ago, I understand that. I also understand that she has someone to come home to every night and a baby soon on her way.  I need people to cut me some slack.  Not to judge me. I am broken right now, and not enough super glue can fix me. Maybe with time.  Melisa I truly do understand you, and anytime you want to talk give send me a note and I will get back to you as soon as I can. You do matter, to me. I am walking that same path with you so hang on.  Long ride ahead!  "hugs"

Permalink Reply by Melisa C on March 12, 2013 at 8:13am

Kathy, thanks for your kind words. They mean a lot to me.

Permalink Reply by s savoie on March 23, 2013 at 9:15am

Dear Kathy,  I just joined this group when I read your post.  My mother died March 4.  She had been sick since January and in hospice care for a week.  I was there when she took her last breath and am so glad her death was peaceful; she was in no pain.  Quite unlike my husband's death 13 months ago.  He had surgery for colon cancer, but the mets to his lungs would not allow recovery.   Just a month after my husband's death, his dad; the papa to my kids, died under very similar conditions.  My kids are all young adults just getting out on their own.  Everytime they come home for a visit, it sets me back.  I realize how empty and sad my house is with just me in it. I also feel left behind.  I am working on positive thoughts for my future.  The pain is going to stop.  The craziness will stop.  My life will get better.  Just keep going.  I am right where you are too. 

Permalink Reply by kathy bishop on March 23, 2013 at 2:15pm

Thank you for understanding, sounds like we have experienced a lot in a year. We were married for 39 years Rick's birthday is Tuesday. The family continues to celebrate the loving family that we have, but I do understand about the kids and how they set u back. Keep the positive thoughts going and talk to both of your love ones. Just me they hear you and they see you, and they also feel you, I go to bed at times with Rick's tee shirt that he wore as long as I can remember. It gives me some comfort How old are U? We just had a new baby last week. so she carries on my mom's name, which is so cool. but don't force your feeling let them come.  The tears, anger, guilt all of them and believe me you will repeat these feelings over and over again.  Keep in touch with me.

Permalink Reply by Mark on March 29, 2013 at 8:51pm

Kathy,

 

I am so feeling for you for your losses.  If it's of any comfort (not sure if that's the right word), I just had a moment regarding my Mom a few mins ago. Mom passed less than a year ago (close to a year almost) I was making something for dinner right now, and she came to mind and I broke down in the kitchen. IT is just me and my dog, so no one else around. I have her picture on my fridge, and the dog (whom I show the pic too sometimes) seems to know it's her. I'll say  "****** (dogs name), that's mother" and he will lick my face; I believe he knows. I believe he sees my sadness.

I am out functioning, but I believe - similar to the description of yourself - that I am taking it harder than some people might take the loss.  You had a relationship with your mom that sounds special.   The things you say about missing appts etc, is understandable.

 

I want you to know that although I don't walk in your shoes, I believe the shoes are similar to mine. I feel for you.

It's the first Easter without Mom, and last one was tough because we had just lost my Dad. It feels at times still like a nightmare. Keep in mind there are people here who will try and listen and it does help even a bit to know someone else can relate. I know I have people that knew my parents, will say (and they are my parents age - quite close to me in terms of family friends) " why are you sstill sad" about mom.  But then, some people who lost their parents at a young age and that was 50 plus years ago, may not relate as they didn't have 30 plus years (such as me with their parent).

 

My thoughts are with you

Permalink Reply by kathy bishop on March 29, 2013 at 9:21pm

Mark,

    Thanks for the line, nobody know for sure how you feel, I was bless with a beautiful mother, a kind mom and one that loved life and her kids and grandkids. I was bless that she taught me so much. I still had mom for 19 months after the love of my life (husband) had passed away. My world was turned upside down, where I could not function no matter how much I wanted to . I simply was frozen in time. Explain that one to people. I guess it's just so easy to 'TRY' to say something nice, and it turns out to be something so wrong and sets us back so much We just celebrated Rick's birthday with cake and candles and a dinner, this will be the first Easter for me too without my wonderful mom. Mark, a bond between a mother and son is so important, I do know something about that I have two son, the respect they have for me, and their dad too. I always respected my mom. I still sit in the middle of a room and scream and cry. Crazy, no someone with deep feeling about a person that was loved, just like you. I won't tell you time will heal all pain because I have not gotten there. I pray someday, that I will be strong enough to give back, too a few people that truly loved me during a deep time of grief. I have found that the hospice social worker has more answers that just a social worker, who sets me back. When she made a comment about not trying I looked at her with anger in my heart and simply told her that if I was not trying, I would not be taking meds, sitting my butt in her office, and back in church. She had no answer to that. My thoughts will be with you and Mark, I pray that this little note will be helpful too you.  Write anytime always like to listen, and maybe something I will say too you will help ease your pain.