Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Rebecca Hill Loflin on March 3, 2013 at 4:12pm

I am so sorry for all of us who have lost a child.  No pain could be any worse.  My son Marty died January 19, 2010 in a hospital in Pinehurst, NC. He had underwent an aortic valve replacement that a cardiovascular surgeon had convinced him he needed. He suffered a stroke not long after being brought out of the surgery. The surgeon seemed very strange when he first came and told us Marty was doing great. When Marty had the stroke all the dr could say was that he was in "unchartered waters".  Do you think a dr who is unchartered waters should be practicing today?  Well, Unfortunately he is. Not is NC, but the last time I heard he quickly moved to Alabama. I don't know how he can walk into a operating room to take a chance on using his unskilled hands on another innocent person.  Marty was 34 and was never sick and walked into that hospital perfectly healthy and left 14 days later in a body bag.  My body aches with the pain of missing my dear and wonderful son who should be here enjoying his life.  I will never stop grieving the death of my son, or ever forgive that dr who took his life.

 

Becky Loflin

Marty Loflin's mama

Permalink Reply by Michele Blevins on March 11, 2013 at 7:54am

I thought i was going to go back to work today. But i get so upset and anxious just thinking about. I don't know how to work through this. My heart hurts so much.

Permalink Reply by Shirlee Smith on March 22, 2013 at 10:22pm

Well it has now been five months since my family changed forever and we lost our baby boy Joe he will be 28 tomorrow 3/23 and II miss him as much today as the day he was killed. There are still times I expect him to come down the hall and ask whats for dinner or cracking some joke to try and cheer me up.  I know that this is a pain that will never go away and I have to learn to live my life here on earth without him in it. My husband and I have been looking at houses and everyone I look at the first thing I think of is how Joe would like the house and his room. I know he is gone and not coming back and I try hard to not think that but the thoughts just come. I have not told my husband about it as he is still having a hard time with the loss as well. Hopefully we will be able to find a house that will not require us to drive past the accident sight everytime we leave our home because that is how it is now.

Permalink Reply by Katherina Conley on March 23, 2013 at 10:15am

I understand your pain an grief. I lost my son on thanksgiving last year in a auto accident. He was 27. My oldest child, everyday i cry for him. The pain of not having him with us is unbearable. Yesterday marked the fourth month since he was taken away. If you ever need to talk just let me know. My heart goes out to you and your family

Permalink Reply by Shirlee Smith on April 26, 2013 at 11:30pm

Katherina

I am so very sorry for your loss. You posted this on my son Joe's what would have been his 28th birthday. We lost our Joe at the age of 27 in a auto accident as well but it appears he had a heart attack they called it the widow maker. I know that unbearable pain all too well also. Joe was not our oldest he was our baby. He was his daddy's best friend and they did everything together so this has been really hard on my husband as well. See Joe was his dad's caretaker while I was at work because my husbanf is disable and cannot do many things for himself. I know I watched my mom go through the same thing my husband and I are now going through because I had a younger brother that was walking across the street and was hit by a drunk driver when he was 15. She never really got over it as some people think we should. I know when my mom was dying and had hospice she would talk to him as well as her sister, mother, father and other family members who had gone ahead of her. She would say how she was coming to be with them and then she would talk about how beautiful everyone and everything looked. And although I want my son back here pestering the living crap out of me I take a small amount of peace to know he is now back with my mom and his other grandparents and they are taking care of him till it is my time.

Permalink Reply by Karen L Dero on March 23, 2013 at 9:31pm

Hi, Life as i new it ended March 15, 2002 when my son Michael (only child) was killed when the car he was

a passenger in was hit by an AM Trac train traveling 85mi/hr. The driver was his best friend Matt and both

of them were killed instantly. I just endured another anniversary without him. Im at 11yrs . Michael was 11 days from his 21st birthday.  He was my best friend and my world.  Even as a young man he would choose to spend time with me over his friends. He was engaged to a wonderful girl, Chrissy who had his daughter one month after he died.  On April 10,2002 my beautiful granddaughter was born and because of my grief i was unable to fully embrace the miracle of her birth.  It has taken me 10yrs to be able to spend quality time in her life.  Chrissy is wonderful and allows me to be in Saige's life any time I want or need to.  In the beginning someone told me it will take upto atleast 10yrs to get to a place where I will feel the "the new normal". I found that to be true.  I am by no means "over" this.  I am still what I call a "zombie".  I go through each day as the walking dead.  The pain is not as intense now but the exhaustion from faking my way through each day is overwhelming.  I don't want to go to work any more because I don't want to smile and make nice.  I work at a VERY busy convenience store chain called Sheetz. I only work 4hrs a day and in those 4hrs i deal with atleast 400 people, im a cashier.  I have to smile and make sure the public is happy as they are rude and impatient.  I have little patience with these people any more. I just want to be left alone!  After 11yrs of trying to be "normal" I just cant do it any more.  Im bitter and angry every day but I have to keep it inside.  Im very sarcastic and impatient and annoyed when Im required to do anything up and above what I already do, like work. Its a terrible life to live and Im exhausted living it.  I know Ill see Michael again however the sooner the better if you ask me. I would never take my own life but I do welcome death because this is not living.  Is there anyone else out there that has be in this nightmare for as long as I have been? I could go on but Im stopping for now. My heart is with anyone who is reading this because I know u feel the same pain I feel.

  

Permalink Reply by anna l. on March 23, 2013 at 10:44pm

Karen Im really sorry for the pain of your loss.  I have not been on this journey nearly as long as you have, but I come to this site tonight because Im feeling a very strong longing for my son tonight.  It was 3 years earlier this month.  For whatever reason this month has had me very emotional as I realize no matter how much I justify he is better to not be here in the pain he was living with, I wish so much it had never happened.  Unlike you I do have other children and 7 darling grandchildren that make what life I have now worth something.  I got to go have lunch with two granddaughters today then came home to an empty house and a longing to call my son like I used to do on Saturdays.  So really really sorry you are hurting this hurt too. 

 

Permalink Reply by Karen L Dero on March 25, 2013 at 3:04pm

Anna, thank you for corresponding with me. I am so sorry about the loss of your son. What is his name? tell me about him please.  Every day I wake up I know im in for another exhausting day. I thought long before I decided to join a group like this because in my mind people can experience the same tragity and because of their life experiences before the tragity handle it internally differently.  I do see by reading the comments on this support group that we all seem to have the same "symptons" after the loss. My challenge now is to keep going. Some days I feel like im losing my mind. Because Michael is ALWAYS in my head I don't remember what people say to me from day to day. It's like my body is responding to real life and the people infront of me however my mind is out there with Michael. It's like an out of body experience all day every day.  Ive done many jobs over my life time that were very prosperous and mind challenging but now Im a cashier because I don't have the ability to retain information. Its just exhausting.  Once I get home from work I don't want to be bothered by anyone which is hard on my family and my granddaughter.  I physically don't have the energy to embrace family activities.  I do make myself pick Saige up after school once a week. I take her for frozen yogurt or dinner or just shopping. My family is wonderful and have been my life saver however I feel quilty that I dont want to spend alot of time outside of my home and with them.  Dont get me wrong, i do do things with them because I force myself to but forcing myself to appear to have some type of normalcy is very tiring. I guess Im just tired after 11yrs of this.  Thank you for your support. I truely appreciate it.

Permalink Reply by Jane P on March 31, 2013 at 8:12am

Hello, I am a new member. My daughter Danielle was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer in 2005. For the next seven years she endured radiation and endless rounds of chemo. I was her sole caregiver. She died December 2/2012. It is now 112 days since her passing.

I struggle through every minute of every day. As we all do.

I'm sad all the time. I live in an empty abyss.

Permalink Reply by Grace on March 31, 2013 at 7:34pm

Dear jane... sorry you have become a member of this sad club of parents who mourn for our children...wish I could ease your sad feelings but all I can say is that we are all here to listen...

Permalink Reply by Jane P on April 1, 2013 at 4:40pm

Thank you. I have received email notifications of people replying and commenting, but am not sure how to operate this page. Can you help me with that please? Thank you again.

Permalink Reply by Shirlee Smith on April 26, 2013 at 11:41pm

Jane

I am so very sorry for your loss and all of the feelings you have we all have had and many still have. I have figured a way to push forward and I go to work I put on a smile and pretend for those 8 + hours that my life is back to normal. Now I cry all the way to work and all the way home. I know that nothing will ever be normal again.  My husband & I had two childern a daughter Nicole and our son Joe. Both of them still lived at home with us and Joe was suppose to help his sister move into an apartment  the weekend he was killed. So we went from having both our childern living with us  to having neither  of them. Our daughter did wait until the next weekend to move out but it would not have been fair to her to ask her not to move into her own place that she had been looking so forward too. I also know that the empty part of of our heart that we all have will never be filled again.

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