Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Dana on January 23, 2010 at 1:53am

I am so sorry the loss of your brother. I will not insult you by saying understand how you feel but some of what you wrote last night is how I feel often. I have had much more time to deal with the loss of my mom yet I still do not feel I will ever be the same and sometimes not even ok. I can also understand feeling like you are losing your mind. I'm told being angry is normal but when I am so angry I take it out on everyone and don't even know why it just leaves me feeling guilty.
Although I have tried counseling many times I decided tonight to try this in hopes that speaking with others who may understand because they have had similar losses will help me.
I wish I could offer great advice but can't. What I can say is the crying meltdowns will reduce over time. I still don't do well with the loss of my mom but some days I can find joy. I think that talking about hpw you feel can help. Knowing you are not alone and you are NOT losing your mind might help too. Take care!

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Permalink Reply by Rachel Anthis on January 25, 2010 at 11:57pm

Hi thanks for taking the time to write to me. I am sorry for the loss of your mother. Right now my mom is the person i am closest to, and if something happened to her I think I would go insane! I see you are a late night owl too! I know what you mean by being angry and taking it out on everyone, it is awful! And I feel so guilty for doing it, but I just can't help it, it comes out. I am mostly taking my anger out on my fiancee, I have been pretty mean a few times, but luckily he just seems to let me go off on my tangents. I was wondering how your counseling sessions have went? I started a bereavement group tonight. It is free and only lasts for 6 weeks. It was weird being with a group of people I didn't know but I thought it might help me since they are going through the same thing. Everyone there was very nice, but it is just strange. Thank you for telling me that I will have some days of happiness and that I am not losing my mind! That makes me feel alot better. Take care of your self.

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Permalink Reply by D Wilson on January 25, 2010 at 8:42pm

Hello, First i want to say that i'm sorry for your lost, When I started reading ur post, i thought i was reading my own thoughts, I lost my brother as well.. it's been a year but it feels like it just happened, Him and I were 4 yrs apart as well.. I find that what sometimes helps me through is thinkin about all of the memories,or i may think of something funny he once said . that usually helps me.

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Permalink Reply by Kirstine Rushing on January 28, 2010 at 2:55pm

I saw your post title...how can I function normally again?...and it caught my eye b/c I wonder the same thing myself. I feel like I am going crazy. I am so sorry to hear about your brother and I'm sorry you didn't get a chance to say good bye. There are no words I can say to take the pain away, but I will be praying for your comfort. Its early days for me. I just lost my mom, who is also my best friend to cancer this past Friday. I called her at least 10 times a day and she was everything to me. She was only 55. She fought hard for two years with chemo and radiation and I got to say everything I wanted to, but also had to watch her deteriorate and be in extreme pain. It was an honor to get to take care of her, but sad when she stopped being able to talk and knowing that she was going to die any moment. Ugh, I wonder if the pain ever eases? It sure doesn't feel like it right now. I keep calling her name hoping she will come running down the stairs and this all be a bad dream. I know she is gone b/c I kissed her cold cheek before the memorial service on Monday, but it still doesn't feel real. I went and laid on the wet mud above where she was buried and just cried for about an hour. I just can't let go of her. I keep trying to call her on the phone. I think I might be going crazy! I too wonder how I am going to be able to function and how I can deal with this pain for the rest of my life?!

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Permalink Reply by Dana on January 29, 2010 at 5:50pm

Oh honey I am so sorry to hear that you lost your mom. I know that losing your mom feels like a part of you is also gone. I can't tell you it will be ok but I can say that I will pray for you and your comfort. I can say that for me that extreme pain and feeling of craziness does get better. Before it was every minute of every day that I felt that way now it is less. Take time for you, feel what you need to and know that others are thinking of you, praying for you and are here to listen or talk.

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Permalink Reply by Kirstine Rushing on January 29, 2010 at 9:16pm

I really hope so, but right now it doesn't feel like the pain is going to ease off any time soon. Tonight I am staying up here at her house with my step dad and sister, I can smell her sweet scent and feel more comfortable than I have all week since she passed away here last Friday. I asked her to come to me in my dreams, she was a very strong Christian and said she would if she could. I asked her to beg Jesus to let her, just so I knew she was ok. I am praying I get that dream soon! Thanks for your words of comfort :)

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Permalink Reply by Kirstine Rushing on February 1, 2010 at 4:42pm

When you figure out how to not be so emotional and sad for the loss, let me know. Its not an option for me.... its just reality right now. I lost the most important person in my life, emotional and sad are just here to stay for a while for me :-(

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Permalink Reply by Dana on February 8, 2010 at 12:52pm

I think that expecting the hurt to end this soon is just too much to expect. You have had a great loss and in some ways a part of you. No need to feel guilt however hearing that likely does not change your feelings. Your feelings are yours and there's no need to over think them. You need to feel sad, sulky, etc right now and for as long as you need. Take care of yourself, know your brother is in a good place and talk to us anytime. Hugs to you.

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