Not looking forward to Christmas
It's been a long time since I've posted a Blog on here but I am not looking forward to Christmas I am notBecause the people should be here it's no longer hereSee More
Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Don't grieve alone; 14,000 members and growing
Hello im new here
To say that i am happy or glad that such an amazing place of support exsist's is an understatement. I am relieved aswell as ecstatic to be here.
Hello and a warm hug to all my new friends.
Its been so hard for me, my doctor has put me on anti depressants
I am here because i am having a very hard time dealing with the death of a friend . He was a great friend that i had known for over 10 years, it felt like a lifetime though. He was a brother to me, i wonder if he ever knew that. My heart is broken knowing that the days and years will go on, without him. My friend Devin was hit and killed by a taxi cab on November 15th, 2009.Sadly he left behind his beautiful intelligent precious 3 year old daughter(She calls me Aunty). My friend was killed from the harsh impact before his broken shattared 27 year old body slammed onto the cold wet lonely cement. I keep having panic attacks, nightmares and vivid daydreams, day-mares or day-terrors, as i prefer to call them.
Prior to my friends death a 26 year old young man that was taking his brother/s and friends to a halloween party was killed in a freak accident just steps away from my house. I was at the spot of the accident, shortly before it happened. It really bothers me that I still dont know the young mans name, i cant help but wonder to myself about all of his hopes and dreams his goals and accomplishments, his hobbies and dislikes and favorite things to do. I wonder about his family and friends and so much more. I wonder what my friend Devin and the other young man were thinking about before "it" happened. I wonder if they saw the same bright white flash that i once saw. I have been hit by a mini van twice, when i was slammed to the ground I saw a white flash it was calming soothing peaceful and painless. I can only hope that my friend devin and the other young man were lucky enough to have the same experience that I did. I miss devin alot there is a huge hole in my heart. Go figure i never dated him but he still manages to break my heart. I cry evey time something reminds me of him or when i see his picture.Its hard as hell to be around his daughter their both so much alike. I told the mother of his little treasure that i would be the only chick curled up in a ball on the dance floor crying like a little girl when Tech N9ne - caribou lou or when Flo Rida - Get Lo, is played at the bar. Omg i dont know how in the world i will go on without his sunshine in my life . The world will never be the same Im sad beyond words.
Tyvm for letting me vent.
Hello and a warm hug to all my new friends.
Its been so hard for me, my doctor has put me on anti depressants
I am here because i am having a very hard time dealing with the death of a friend . He was a great friend that i had known for over 10 years, it felt like a lifetime though. He was a brother to me, i wonder if he ever knew that. My heart is broken knowing that the days and years will go on, without him. My friend Devin was hit and killed by a taxi cab on November 15th, 2009.Sadly he left behind his beautiful intelligent precious 3 year old daughter(She calls me Aunty). My friend was killed from the harsh impact before his broken shattared 27 year old body slammed onto the cold wet lonely cement. I keep having panic attacks, nightmares and vivid daydreams, day-mares or day-terrors, as i prefer to call them.
Prior to my friends death a 26 year old young man that was taking his brother/s and friends to a halloween party was killed in a freak accident just steps away from my house. I was at the spot of the accident, shortly before it happened. It really bothers me that I still dont know the young mans name, i cant help but wonder to myself about all of his hopes and dreams his goals and accomplishments, his hobbies and dislikes and favorite things to do. I wonder about his family and friends and so much more. I wonder what my friend Devin and the other young man were thinking about before "it" happened. I wonder if they saw the same bright white flash that i once saw. I have been hit by a mini van twice, when i was slammed to the ground I saw a white flash it was calming soothing peaceful and painless. I can only hope that my friend devin and the other young man were lucky enough to have the same experience that I did. I miss devin alot there is a huge hole in my heart. Go figure i never dated him but he still manages to break my heart. I cry evey time something reminds me of him or when i see his picture.Its hard as hell to be around his daughter their both so much alike. I told the mother of his little treasure that i would be the only chick curled up in a ball on the dance floor crying like a little girl when Tech N9ne - caribou lou or when Flo Rida - Get Lo, is played at the bar. Omg i dont know how in the world i will go on without his sunshine in my life . The world will never be the same Im sad beyond words.
Tyvm for letting me vent.
Views: 96
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Ruby Smith on
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I was so very glad to find this site as well. I lost my dad on 12/11/2009. I know that there is nothing that anyone can say or do that takes the pain away but i've found just being able to talk to people that won't judge or think that you should just get over it helps...I'm sorry for the loss of your friend and I hope that in time you can find some peace....
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Permalink Reply by imstillgrieving on
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Tyvm for replying to my post Ruby Smith. I cant even begin to imagine how you feel. Im a daddy's girl, my father is my rock and my everything. I'm really sorry for the loss of your father.I am greatful to find places like this one I am happy to be here. Theres going to be a mastiff hole in my heart in the years to come. I am sure i will NEVER get over my friends death, the way he lost his life, I'll just learn how to live my life around it. Just as i have through out my life through the good and bad stuff. Life is short and precious the loss of my friend Devin has proven that to me even more I dont hold grudges but i dont forget things either.
Ruby Smith,
Thank you for your kind words :)
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I am sorry for the loss you are feeling. I have no idea how to move through the grief process. That is why I came here a week ago. I am trying, I guess. It helps to just read what others are going through on this site. I don't feel so alone.
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Debbie Varga, thank you for replying.
I have to agree with you i have no idea on how to get through my grief either though being here sure does really help. For me it seems alot easier for me to talk with people that are online rather then any of my friends. I let my guard down a little more chatting with strangers, weird i know but it just seems alot easier for me.
Debbie Varga, Im sorry for your loss, thank you for your kind words :)
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Jennessa,
I feel the same way you do about talking to strangers online about my losses. I know that I have very good friends, but my closest friends have not lost their dad. I have one friend who did, and we have talked a bit, but it is hard for us to find the time to chat since we both have a few small children. I find I can be more open online. I feel pressure and expectations from my friends, like I'm supposed to have it all under control. Guess I've always put up a good false front to them. Not the greatest thing to do I suppose, but sometimes it's hard to let those closest to you see you as a total mess - which is the way I feel most of the time lately.
I have made an appointment with my therapist for next week. I have only seen her twice since the death. I have been so preoccupied with my children's grief that I have completely neglected my own well-being and it's starting to show. The kids and I are also attending a grief support group this Thursday night with my mom. Thursday is the eve of my grandma's 1 year anniversary so it is very meaningful for me and my mom. We'll see how it goes. To say I'm nervous would be an understatement!
Thank you for your kind words and keep hanging in there. :)
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Permalink Reply by Money Jensen on
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thanks for sharing your story. I too have had nitemares panic attacks etc. etc. . i lost both my mom and sister to murder, it's been six years this month, i still have nite mares from time to time and the panic attacks are less frequent. Hang in there they will become less and less as the days go on. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know we may not be going through the same things but i as well as the others here will listen.
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Money Jensen, Thank you for reading my LONG story I sincerely appreciate it.
I am really sorry about your Mother and Sister. I have had 3 very good friends of mine murdered. One of my friends was killed by a supposed serial killer of over 25 women, my friends body has never found. My 2 other friends were just as brutally murdered in seperate situations. I can sort of some what understand what you have gone through on a different level. My mother was severlly beat beyond recognition and left for dead, in a grave yard, she has metal plates all over now because of it. It was a random attack the guy has never been caught. My mother was at deaths door. I cant imagine what you have gone through. I am really sorry for both of your losses. I think that as time goes on it feels like things get worse, but when you look at the whole big picture things are really getting better slowly. I hate the nightmares and panic attacks. I have alot of triggers and the panic attacks are always unexpected, it can be embarassing. Alot of people just dont understand. Thats why i am so glad for a place like this.
Money Jensen Thank You for taking the time to read my story and for replying, I am sincerly sorry for the loss of your Mother and Sister.
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Thank you for the kind words jenessa it's really been a weight off of my shoulders to meet other people who understand the feelings i have all the stress. It's totally debilitating. I feel like since my family died i can't get back on track. Now i'm finally making a strong effort to turn my life around i hope that my anxiety calms down a bit being able to let some of this energy out. My Anxiety is so bad i never passed my driving test it's so embarassing but i get this severe feeling of dread like i'm going to die when i drive it's horrible. i don't know why it manifests itself this way. i can't believe all that happend to you and your friends and family! That's horrible. I am glad that your mother survived, that must have been unbearable. if you ever want to talk feel free to send me an email. i hope you have a good day.
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