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Permalink Reply by Tania Taylor on December 13, 2009 at 1:38pm

You just go on day by day. Over four months I watched my mother dwindle away. Getting weake and weaker each day until she finally stopped eating and couldn't go on anymore. You just have to remember those special memories just you have. The ones only you got to experience with your grandparents. Remember they loved you and wanted the best for you. It will just take time. You have a lot of support here. We know what you are going through.

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Permalink Reply by Janet on December 14, 2009 at 3:21pm

I go to work I sit at HIS desk. I go home I pass HIS house.Every where I turn there he should be. I raised by my grandmother ( 4-7-08) and grandfather ( 12-2-09) I built my adult live around them. I took care of them until the day the died. I never had time to deal with my grandmother death, because I jump in to care for my grandfather. Now It seem like there death following me. I know one day at time but I dont know how to care on with out them. Everything I done in life was because of them or for them. At night i watch him not eat and tell me everything is going ot be ok. At night I watch him not know me. At night I watch him died. I wake up, and i feel like crying but it seem like I dont know how to cry.

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Permalink Reply by Tania Taylor on December 15, 2009 at 1:51am

everything I see, hear, smell reminds me of my mom. I see a woman on tv with the same hairstyle as my mom and I cry, a similar dress on a woman walking down the street. The smell of foods my mom liked. Everything will remind you. My mom's native language was spanish but when she spoke with us it was always english. One day during her treatment she just started speaking spanish and had no idea my sister couldn't understand. I had always kept it up so I was able to translate. It is like how you said that he didn't know you. I was the main caregiver for my mother. I fed her, cleaned her room, did her laundry, cleaned her up when she needed it. Its hard when you are 100% focused on them and then you don't have that anymore. How do you continue on when that is all you know... u just do. It will be 5 months next week since she has been gone and I still get up with the first thought of ... I have to bring mom breakfast and get her dressed. That automatic need to still want to help them will be there for a very long time or maybe forever. I recently volunteered at the local cancer society because I know it will fulfill that need to still help someone. Maybe find a charitable society to help. It took me 4 months to volunteer and I am going slow with it, but it still helps. knowing that these other people need me to take them to an appt or grocery shopping, or even just to play some cards with them. Find your niche. If not now then eventually you will.

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Permalink Reply by Janet on December 15, 2009 at 8:47am

Thanks for sharing your story. I am so sorry to hear about your mother. Your story made me feel like I am not a lone. I thought I was the only one waking up with the thought of what I have to do for my grandfather. I was also his care giver. I was with him every waking moment. I done things for him I never thought I could do. My life was made to make him and also my grandmother until she passed away as easy as I could. I felt like we become one. Now, even after their passing I wake up thinking what i should do with them today. What will make there life easyer or make them smile. I never thought about trying to find somewhere to help other people. That seems like a good idea. Thanks for sharing your story and listening. Maybe I can do this, even though I feel like I cant

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Permalink Reply by Ganny on December 29, 2009 at 4:08pm

Your story is different to my present crisis. But at one time, I felt what you're feeling. After my Mom was gone, I was so empty I asked "What now." All of my time had been filled with caring for and loving her. Then she was gone. This great big hole opened up in my life and I didn't know what to do with it. My marriage fell apart after that, maybe it was already apart but I was so wrapped up in her I didn't see it, didn't have time for it. I would suggest that you find yourself again, find the person you lost while giving so much and so unselfishless to those you love. Now it's time for you to be reborn into a new life. I know these are not the magic words which will fix everything but it's something to think about, to ponder.

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