Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Babs on June 23, 2012 at 5:54am

Hi Jb, I am so sorry for the loss of your dad, unfortunately what you describe is quite a common experience for those who have lost someone close but think it is even more so in dienfranchised grief as people can find it even harder to understand someones pain in disenfranchised circumstances so they don't know what to do and therefore decide the best course of action is to do nothing or avoid thier friend altogether.

It is so painful when people you were close to walk away in your hour of need, many of my friends are no longer in contact and it just adds to the loss you already have. I think that people cannot understand the depth and pain of grief unless they themselves have experienced it or they may be scared of facing it. I think your advice to just treat you as they normaly would is good sometimes when everything around us feels abnormal and falling apart from the loss we have suffered what we need most is some sense of normality from others, I know for me being in work provided me with a routine and something normal to hold onto.

Sending you big hugs. Babs

Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on June 23, 2012 at 11:31am

my dad tort me crreapping arond yrs ago is not normal wot makes it worse woz 1 of my best frends dont even speak to me any more and i woz ther for her losss but u are rigght wot u say babs thaank u sory abot the speeling

Permalink Reply by Babs on June 24, 2012 at 5:04am

Please don't worry about the spelling jb, I am sorry to hear about your friend, I understand how hard it is when u are let down so badly by someone you thought was a very good friend. One of my best friends at her wedding said to me that she would not have been there if it wasn't for me as i had helped her through a really hard time which was lovely of her to say but when I lost Steve she completely abandoned me and was not there for me at all and I don't see her anymore. I felt like i had lost her too at a time when I was already struggling with a lot of loss.

Friends can say some hurtful things too which can then make you want to distance yourself from them, just last night a friend popped in and she mentioned friends reunited website and I told her that Steve's page with all my messages to him had been got rid of which had really upset me and she just said "well why do u want to see his page and your messages anyway" I was really upset sometimes people just don't understand. I do hope that you can find some good friends who will be supportive and be normal with you. Babs

Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on July 1, 2012 at 2:43am

thnks babs i sea u hav frends like mine 2 u hav 2 be nise to thm but th treat u like dirt and say nasty thngs to u maybe its im 2 soft in the hed or i respect peoples felling to mush or i rspect peple to mush i got tort wen i woz yunger u hav to ern respect to get respect 

Permalink Reply by Lisa Maria DeMatto- Wysong on March 28, 2016 at 6:49pm

Hi JO B, I am going through something similar. I lost my best friend and dad in Dec of 2015. They died 8 days apart. It has been hard for me, I know the sadness shows because I am not myself. My sisters noticed this and just kind of avoid me. The things they do hurt me deeply, to be grieving and then ignored really hurts. I to wish that they would just treat me normal. They never liked my friend so I guess that's why they don't understand that I lost 2 very important people. I also lost a friend in Dec of 2014. They never could understand why I was so upset about that either.

I hope you have found some support.

LISA

Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on March 29, 2016 at 2:15am

dad dies multi loss mums illnes losin fealin in my rht arm on off pisn nedles nw my mums deta demtsa strd of it iv had 2 mush shit i can hndl handl u cud say

only grt suport iv fond on hear u cud say

no 1 2 hav go it me i can let ranst ravs on/off 

sorry 2 hear yore lossess 2 fogt my manrs maners thes days u cud say

Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on June 9, 2021 at 3:02pm

well i no it wud hapn agan sinse mom poss in 5/4/21 im raw num agan yep thy speek 2 me cross st it cud tak yrs to sink in shes gon