Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by anna l. on May 9, 2012 at 10:50pm

As hard as it is for me to say, I will say, welcome to this group.  It is horrible another person has a reason to join us.  Im so very sorry for the pain you are in.  Yes, this constant pain 10 weeks out is very normal.  Do what you can to take care of yourself and be gentle with yourself too.  You need time to process all that has happened and changed in your life.  You need time to feel the pain of losing a loved one.  I hope you have some wonderful people around you who will make sure that if you dont take good care of yourself they help you to do that. 

Permalink Reply by Barbara Sutton on May 9, 2012 at 11:36pm

It's pretty common and it sucks.

 

Permalink Reply by Mary M. on May 10, 2012 at 12:26am

I think it must be normal because I feel the same.  It has not been 10 weeks since my husband passed and for the first few weeks I was a basket case.  Still my mind appears foggy most of the time, its like thoughts are not focused or make little sense and jump from topic to topic.   Many days I struggle with depression, wondering why I am still here.  You are not alone!   You do need to take care of yourself and stay strong. There are people here who understand what you are going through and how you feel, reach out to them, chat with them.  Hopefully you have family and friends close by who are willing to listen when you need to talk, cry with you when that is the kind of support you need, and basically just be there for you as you come to terms with your loss within yourself.  Hopefully this makes sense, as I said my mind still seems incoherent at times.  Sending good thoughts and a hug and hopes that tomorrow will be better than today.

Permalink Reply by Dave Frank on May 10, 2012 at 7:20am

Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts, they are deeply appreciated.

Permalink Reply by Sue Waxman on May 10, 2012 at 9:47am

Dear Dave,

The pain is yes, normal. To witness someone as you did, suffering, in pain and not wanting to die. What is worse than that. I watched my mother suffering from chemo and radiation from throat cancer and then die in my arms. The life draining out of her face. It changed me forever. I am not sure if my heart has turned to stone or not. I hope not. I am a very outgoing, fun, funny person. Except I feel such a hole in my heart.

Please accept my friendship and support. We grieve as we love - DEEP!

Permalink Reply by Maura Simms on May 31, 2012 at 7:32pm

That was beautiful; You just was reminded me of the soft waxy skin when the life drained out in passing.  It was quite exquisite and beautiful though; like a butterfly.  I am mostly fun too, what the heck$%^&*. I guess we can't let this ruin everything but I don't understand why this has to happen at all.

Permalink Reply by Dave Frank on May 11, 2012 at 6:10pm

I've having an weird experience today. After 2 1/2 weeks of nonstop pain and torturing anxiety (my best friend's memorial service was 2 1/2 weeks ago), I sat with a student of mine and felt like laughing. Did a long meditation, went out for a walk and I felt a little bit like I was coming back to life after going to hell and back.. but still I feel this awful clamping in my abdomen and it seems that at any moment I could get sucked down into this hellhole of pain!

Still, for some time today I felt I was back to joy, energy flowed where before there was just emptiness for a long time, did it feel good. I read some very helpful quotes by my teacher Paramahansa Yogananada that helped me understand things..

Jus sharin..

Dave

Permalink Reply by Debra Wick on May 23, 2012 at 10:06pm

Dave, this is wonderful news and I'm sure gives all of us hope. My husband's battle with liver cancer was also brief and horrific- five months. It's hard to comprehend that time frame being such a blur, yet images of what happened come stabbing back into my heart suddenly, with frightening clarity! Good luck my friend and please keep us posted.

Permalink Reply by Mary M. on May 23, 2012 at 11:15pm

Dave, Glad you had a better day today it gives me hope to read your post that this doom and gloom (pain and heartache) can have moments in time when a ray of sunlight shines through.  Keep us posted.  Take care

Permalink Reply by Dave Frank on May 24, 2012 at 10:15am

Hi friends, thanks for your post. I'm a month out from my best friend's funeral. Still every morning I wake to an emptiness in my soul, which I am coming to accept rather than try to "blast through it" or whatever. It seems to be God's will now to be in this state, it's better when I accept this somehow, I'm just feeling through this foreign territory. I have many moments of joy during the day despite the emptiness, and at times the pain just mysteriously lifts for awhile. It's all really strange and not fun, I am usually an endless well of jokes, haven't made one in months..I am growing spiritually though for sure..this discussion here is helping, how are you guys doing?

Permalink Reply by Maura Simms on May 26, 2012 at 8:23pm

Everyone is different and there is no right or wrong; the only thing is we carry that awful shocking, I don't want to feel this way pain the same.  I am very sorry this has to happen to us at one time or another; I found consolation in that a good friend told me that I was there for my husband to make his passing as comfortable as possible and to get the best care possible and i am sure that is what you did for your friend.  You did a great thing and must forge on in your life; you served a great purpose.  In fact, I volunteer for a hospice now and that gives me a sense of giving back in my husband's honor. Don't feel anything you think or feel is wrong, its just a horrific shock to the brain and soul right now, so try to be zen and let the thoughts and feelings work through you and work out of you.

Permalink Reply by Dave Frank on June 1, 2012 at 5:08pm

Maura, thank you for this superb advice, it meant alot to me:)

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