Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Debbie Wilhelm on December 29, 2011 at 10:15pm

Hi,  My world came crashing down on me on September 2, 2011 when my son died in a car accident after being hit headon by a drunk driver at 3:06 in the afternoon.  He had just dropped me off at the garage to pick up my car from inspection and was heading out to meet his fiance' on her lunch.  I was heading out the same way but about ten  minutes later after picking up my neighbor to take her to work.  We were in the line up of traffic and all I seen were two life flight helicopters coming down to the site.  I couldn't see the cars involved in the accident from where I was, but I kept calling his phone, and he wasn't answering.  I called his fiance' at work and asked if he was there with her, and she said no, he never got there yet.  I was feeling sick in my stomach but didn't want to believe it may be him in the accident.  Then someone leaned out there window and said there was a van and a blue subaru involved in the crash.  I screamed to my friend that "it's him" and got in my car and shot up the shoulder of the road to get up to the scene.  By the time I got there, they had him out of the car after cutting the roof off, and had him on a stretcher.  I ran up to the stretcher and seen he wasn't alert or anything and told them he was diabetic.  An officer made me move back alittle bit and got the information from me.  I was shaking so bad and crying so hard, someone else had to dial the phone for me to alert my two daughters and his fiance' and my husband that it was him in the accident and it was really bad.  I don't even remember too many other details about the scene.  One of the ems crew ladies who knew me came over and she drove me to the hospital when they left with him.  They were doing cpr on him at the scene.  Somehow I knew he was gone, but I wouldn't believe it.  After about ten minutes at the hospital, they called us back and took us into a room.  My heart sunk because i knew if he was okay, they would be taking me to his room, not here.  The doctor told us they did everything they could, but he didn't survive.  Everything after that was such a blur, and I was so numb.  When they let me back to his room, all I could do was hold his hand and stroke his head.  His eyes were open just enough to see his beautiful blue eyes.  I didn't want to leave him.  The coroner and doctors were throwing so many questions my way about what funeral home I wanted him to go to and everything.  All I could think about was they just told me my son is gone and I'm supposed to make all these decisions!!!   My daughters and husband helped me to decide on a funeral home and the next day I had to go there and arrange everything.  It was all too much.  All I wanted to do was curl up and die with him.  I didn't want to deal with all this stuff now.  I still don't know for sure if he was even alive when they were on the scene.  A witness who was with him from the moment after the crash told me my Jimmy was not moving or breathing after the crash and he was probably killed instantly.  I just keep seeing in my mind his fear and thoughts he would have had with the van coming at him, and the instant pain he probably felt.  It's been a few months now, and I feel like I will never feel happy again or be able to live without him.

Permalink Reply by Wendy on January 19, 2012 at 2:40pm

I lost my only child, Jocelyn Young, on September 18th, 2011. Almost exactly a month after her 24th birthday.  She was riding her bike home and had fallen off - while on the road, even though she was clearly visible and her bike lights were flashing - a drunk driver ran her over. This past week, for some reason, I have been experiencing the deepest sense of grief since she died. I'm not sure why it's taken this long, but the sadness, empty feeling, and as of last night, panic attacks, have set in. I miss her so much.

Permalink Reply by Robin Jone on January 27, 2012 at 9:42pm

It seems like a lot of us lost our precious children in September. My son, Zach, died in a terrible accident on September 3, 2011. He was with his friends, away for a fun weekend, it was his buddy's bachelor party. They all went to the mountains and rented a cabin and went hiking. My Zach was always looking for a thrill, always taking risks, though his friends told me he was actually being careful. They were hiking and he and his one buddy ran ahead, they came upon a beautiful waterfall and Zach wanted to get a closer look. His friend told me he got down and was doing the crab walk very careful trying to get closer to the edge to see the waterfall better, he slipped and fell 80-100 feet. The medical personal have told us that he probably died before he even hit the ground, that his head probably hit rocks before he hit. But I have pain attacks worrying about was he scared, did it hurt, what were his final thoughts. The strange thing is my brother died 18 years ago in almost the exact same way. He was mountain climbing in Alaska with a friend. They were near a frozen waterfall and the rope broke and my brother and his friend both died. They weren't found for three days, their bodies were frozen. I somehow managed to go on after my brother died, though I mourned for a long time. I have had dreams where he came back and told me they made a mistake, that it wasn't him. I wasn't able to see my brothers body when he died, so when this  happened to my son I insisted I be able to see him. I don't know if that helped me or not because he was so badly swollen and bruised, it didn't even look like him. I had one day about a month ago, where it hit me, oh my God it was him! I know that sounds stupid, but I think I somehow deep down kept hoping it really wasn't him. I some how am managing to put one foot in front of the other, and go to work and do the things I need to do but it is always there. The missing him so terribly bad, and sometimes the anxiety comes rushing back all over again. I pray that somehow we all get the strength we need. Big hugs none of us should have to go through this. Robin

Permalink Reply by Angela Johnson on February 6, 2012 at 8:28pm

I lost my daughter Tammy on 11/4/11. She was 39 years old. she was born with multiple birth defects and I cared for her since I was 17. She died of respiratory and kidney failure. She was not afraid to go and her death was a peaceful one. about an hour before she died she had the most beautiful smile on her face. I had told her that when she saw the angels to go with them and I know she is in a much better place. I miss her so much and there is this vacuum of emptiness where she was in my life. I don't quite know how to go forward. I cry for her every day which is not what she wanted. She said I am not scared , I have been here before and I know I will be with Jesus. you see she had died twice before but was brought back to life by her doctors hands . I always asked why she suffered so much for her whole life and I am grateful she now longer is breathless and miserably sick but I miss her each day. I am so sad and I pray for peace and and lifting of my heavy heart. I am just barely functioning each day. My heart is so full of grief. The waves of grief are like a tidal wave at the present. she was such and angel on this earth and  God has the most loving, sweet and brave angel in heaven.  He let me have her for 39 years and called her home. I like to think her needed a beautiful Christmas angel. She was such an inspiration to others and I was the luckiest mother in the universe to have had the privilege of give her all the love and care she so much deserved.

Permalink Reply by Robin Jone on February 6, 2012 at 10:01pm

Angela, I am so very sorry for the loss of your sweet daughter Tammy. I know how hard it is to grieve the loss of a child. Even though I have three wonderful daughters, and two beautiful granddaughters, no one will ever take the place of my sweet son, Zach who died at the age of 23. He had a smile that could just light up the room, and he could always make people laugh. It sounds like you have a wonderful faith though, I think that is what helps me carry on. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Big hugs to all. Robin

Permalink Reply by Billie Malowany on April 16, 2012 at 10:26pm

I read through all these posts and I cry for you and the loss of my own daughter. It seems by the general discussions this will never get better.

We lost our 16 year old daughter April 14th 2011. It was another freak Alberta snow storm. It came after 3 weeks of gorgeous weather. She was a new driver and I had never let her drive in such crappy conditions but her boyfriend (who survived) thought it would be ok. It was a little Chevy cobalt with bald tires, she lost control going around a corner and drifted head on into a F450 work truck. She was killed instantly and her boyfriend lives to tell the story. I don't know what angers me more, that he survived or that she didn't.

She was a vibrant fun loving 16 year old with her whole life in front of her. As her graduation day approaches I am torn to pieces again, one more thing she deserved but will never get to experience. If children could be your soul mate she was mine. We were very close and I miss her so much! I feel very alone without her. I am married with another daughter but she is daddy's girl and Jazzmin was mine. We were perfectly paired up. Now there are three. I am broken, I live, I breathe, I do what needs to be done. But I am not the person I used to be, I have never felt such unbelievable sadness in my life. I never expected this to be my fate, how does one continue for the rest of their life in this manner. Alive but lifeless. I have my good days like everyone else, but you know what that leads to? Guilt! I can't imagine life with out my baby, it just seems like it won't be any fun, just work.

Permalink Reply by Karen R. on April 18, 2012 at 5:01pm

Dear Billie, I am so sorry to learn of yet another tragic loss, another parent's nightmare. I know your pain. I am still suffering  from the loss of my 21yr old son. I don't know if you have visited the group on this site called 'Missing my son or daughter' but I find it very helpful. We all support each other as best as we can. I will forever be broken. 

Sending you love and many hugs.

Permalink Reply by lynne thompson on May 11, 2012 at 10:47pm

I am so sorry Billie, It is so hard to take this journey.......and you are right it is a lot of work.  I never was on the computer for I had a life.  But, when you loose a child, I have such a feeling of lonliness that I feel I must be with other moms or dads that have lost children.

Permalink Reply by Connie K on March 21, 2013 at 6:09pm

I'm so sorry Billie. I lost my 17 year old son in a car accident last Dec.1, 2012 and I relive it 20 times a day even though I wasn't there. His friend driving made a stupid and wreckless move in rainy weather, drifted across all lanes , hitting a steel retaining wall support. The other 2 boys were fine. Daniel died on impact. He was my only child. I wonder why I'm still here every day. So hard to imagine how I will ever be able to live life again without this empty pit in my heart. I get done what I need to but then just cannot cope with more. Thanks everyone for being here to listen when I am so sad that nobody wants to be around me.

Permalink Reply by Jessica Berninzon on May 21, 2012 at 12:11am

My name is Jessica and i lost my daughter Amber whom just turned 18 years old from a overdose , her drug of choice was opiates and we had been in a struggle to get her help for one year ( one year of addiction took her out ) , we were a week a way from getting her into detox finally and then rehab she left home saying to me on January 16 2012 Im  going to detox mom and rehab what more do you want give me some money i said no i will give you anything your heart desires after detox and rehab please stay home , no you have to let me go mom let me live experience life on my own if you wont give me money or help me then fine im leaving you will never see me again and you will see i will show you watch me shine mom i would never see her again .The  next day at  2 07 pm on January 17 , 2012 i had police come to my door , since then i had to endure picking her things up , not being allowed to see my child after death , not having any say in the fact that they were doing a autopsy , having to make arrangements for her cremation and watching her sisters older and one younger one be destroyed like i have been i think daily im not gonna survive this , if i do i can survive anything , but i honestly don't think i will or can i suffered a stroke last month my health has deteriorated so much since her death  if not for my 14 year old daughter i would have killed myself , the pain is to great the grieve...despair ...guilt.....hate.....anger..... ....that's it for now .

Permalink Reply by Grace on May 21, 2012 at 5:08am

Dear Jessica..... HANG ON.... I know you are in sever pain... We have all been and still are there.

It does not matter HOW our children have died.... WE ALL have this movie rerun over and over in our heads... of what we wish we s=would have or could have done.....

Yes your other kids need you now... imagine the pain your suffering  and then the pain you would layer if they suffered your loss too.... You need to stay here for them.  Reach out for help if you need it.

Please keep posting and know that we have all suffered and still suffer..... together we understand and can support each other.   PEACE

Permalink Reply by lynne thompson on May 21, 2012 at 10:07am

Oh Jessica, I am so so sorry , and I also have lost 2 children, one when he was 26 from suicide , and please believe me suicide can destroy so much.....I had a young child at the time and I just turned all my attentions and love on that child.   I could not have him , number repeat the act and number two his life was so much more important , I felt, than mine....my other child died of an enlarged heart this March 24th...I have had 2 open heart surgeries,my valves a mess.....so please take care of yourself , so that you can be there for you precious daughter.  Your 14 year old might act like maybe she is fine, but I bet she needs you so much more now than ever before.  I try and hang on for my now 27 year old that I adore, but if I should die, I do not want him to be afraid of life and to accept my death was natural and in turn ,maybe, instead of dying unnaturally he will go on with his life and have all the pleasures life can bring.  I thought of suicide , myself, so many times after Bobby and when Terry died , the thought became greater, so I think we all have thought that..Please hang in there , Jessica, for your daughter, not for yourself and maybe you can give them the gift that no matter how tough life is that you still strive for moments, seconds even sometimes of peace..........that you never give up.....I know the pain of losing a child, for me it is children, but hang in there, Jessica, you are doing a great job so far......your daughters will respect and love you so for it.

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