Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Amie on March 16, 2012 at 2:18pm

Thank you! My mom was shot and killed by her husband of 23 years. I have moments when I feel crazy. I thought so many times how i didn't lose her her life, spirit were stolen from me. What gave him the right to decide that would be the last day I would hear my mom's voice. Many moments my anger borders on rage. It's been a few months and everyday continues to be a struggle. I want to stand on a rooftop and tell the world what was done to her, so that they can be as disgusted by him as I am.

Murder adds an element to the lose which magnifies it. Many people don't understand why I haven't moved on yet.

Permalink Reply by Kandi Broussard on March 16, 2012 at 2:38pm

Amie, all I can say is hang in there.  I will not lie and tell you that it gets easier because that has not been the case for me.  August will be 2 years since my mom was brutally, visciously stabbed to death and I still want to scream it from the rooftops.  I just want somebody to accept me with all of my grief and sorrow.  This is who I am now.  I am not the bright, bubbly person that I once was.  I can fake it but I am continually crying on the inside.  Nobody in my life knows how hurt and disgusted I really am.  I only share that info here on online grief.  This is the only way that I feel I can express myself without being judged.  Sad but true....

Permalink Reply by Amie on April 12, 2012 at 3:19pm

I'm glad I'm not the only one putting on a brave face. I don't do it for myself, but for other people. It's only been four months, that's what I want to scream at people sometimes. Losing a parent is what is expected, but not like this. There is an expectation that you're suppose to get on with your life. If you haven't had someone you love taken from you at the hands of another person you don't understand what I'm going through.

Due to the circumstance, I feel like I have been robbed of my grieving process. The situation gets in the way of truely missing my mom. I find it hard to think of her without coming back to the way she died. I just want to mourn her. I want to think of fond memories of her without those horrible images getting in the way.

Permalink Reply by Amie on April 12, 2012 at 2:56pm

Murder is completely different, there is a reason the term "homicide survivor" was coined. We are those left with all the broken pieces. Loss is suppose to be natural, the body grows old and gives out. Our situations are different. We have to live with the knowledge that someone with hate in their heart took our loved one from us. This is a new world for me and probably for you. Now I know how ugly the world can be. If the man my mother was married to for 23 years could take her life, then I can only imagine the rest of the world is capable of at least that much.

He knew her through many years of good and bad, after all that how could he shoot her. He knew her better than most people, how could he look at her and not think of those things. My trust in mankind has been put into question. Sometimes I feel wiser than most people around me, I have a knowledge about the world that most people will never truely know.

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