Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Amanda Ab on April 5, 2012 at 3:19pm

Hi Danielle. sorry for your loss and so sorry you had to join this group.

You loss is very recent and you are experiencing shock and all kinds of different emotions thrown at you. The pain feels too much to handle. I can relate to you. I til this day, feel very much the same as when my husband just passed away. His passing too was sudden and unexpected. We too were so much in love with each other. He was my all, the one person who gave light to my life, brighten up my day, who gave a purpose to my life. And know that he is gone, all seems worthless. It will soon be 1 year of his passing and time has made things harder for me. At first I was in shock, and could not really comprehend what was going on. But now, reality starts to sink in and it makes things harder to cope with. That feeling of never seeing him again, hurts me so much. I just cant imagine him being in a better place than here with me and his son.

Please feel free to write to me. I understand you.

Amanda

Permalink Reply by cynthia williams on April 5, 2012 at 3:35pm

Hello Danielle.... I'm new here to, when I read what you wrote  I felt every word and feel that same pain. Take care....

Permalink Reply by David A on April 7, 2012 at 8:26am

Dear Danielle, 

All your feeling are very normal when it comes to losing someone very close you. I lost my wife of 16 years about one year ago.  I went through the same sadness and feelings of loneliness that you are experiencing.  I thought I would never see the light of day again too. This did go on for months as I tried to get my life back together. 

Make no bones about it though you will get through this.  You'll have many moments of sadness that seem to come from no where and that ok.  I often found myself crying for no reason at all but realized it was good for me. I hope you have checked this out "http://www.onlinegriefsupport.com/forum/topics/the-four-tasks-of-mourning-from-understanding-your-grief-by-alan?xg_source=activity"  

And yes, things will get better although you cannot see how today.  I thought I would never lover again but I have found someone else and I am somewhat happy again.  I miss my wife as much today as I did a year ago. She will always be something special to me in ways others cannot understand.  You'll have the same feeling I'm sure but life will go on. 

Remember to take it one day at a time because loss of a loved one does hurt.   Take care 

Permalink Reply by Maura Simms on April 7, 2012 at 8:57am

I know, it feels like you just acquired some unknown horrific illness and the irony is no-one's immune to it, it affects everyone and no one talks about it until you get it. Its not like there are "grief awareness marches or 5k grief runs".   My love passed 9 months ago and all I can say is I am better at managing the pain of this insidious virus. I don't ever want to "catch the love bug" again if these are the results.  I few months after, I think I began breaking out of the dark tunnel like a child looking around the world and beginning to be distracted by things here and there, then retreating into my tunnel, eventually, I have become better able to integrate my surroundings and actually engage in some things that I can enjoy. Making new memories is helping to affirm my new identity, but I don't know that I'm getting over it; I am getting through it and that's all I can do for now. 

Permalink Reply by Tammy on April 8, 2012 at 7:02pm

Dear Danielle,

 

My heart breaks for you! I lost the love of my life 2 years, 5 months ago. Her death was sudden and traumatic. At the time I felt so alone in the world (despite family and a lot of support) and I believed that the overwhelming pain of grief would kill me. I also contemplated killing myself, but I didn't think GOD would let me be with Jackie if I did. Danielle, it doesn't matter that we have all lost loved ones, this loss is unique to you and no one will feel your loss of the love of your life like you do. This is so fresh for you Danielle and all I can suggest is that you just keep on putting one foot in front of the other, focus on one moment to the next moment (not day to day) and keep breathing. I don't know how I made it to 2 years, 5 months, it just happened. I know it's unbearable and I will keep you in my prayers.

 

Tammy

Permalink Reply by terry slocum on April 20, 2012 at 4:46am

First I want to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I too lost the love of my life. All your feeling is normal.

I found talking to a therapist helped alot. At times I thought I would go insane from the grief. I can promise you that the gut renching pain you are going through will get better. Someday you find that it is possible to go on. He would want that. I do not know your religion , but for me praying when I felt so lost helped me a great deal. I also talked to my love. You will be on a rollercoaster of emotion and that is normal. Somedays will be better the others. You will get through this. You will never forget him and he will always be in your,but someday you will remember him and the good memories without so much pain. I lost my love Aug.2 ,2010.

Permalink Reply by A. Buyten on May 9, 2012 at 7:16pm

Hi, I am new to this group too. I share many of the same emotions as well. I too lost the love of my life, she was only 44, just a few weeks of 45 yrs. of age. Very sudden. Do you have any resources in your town/ city for grief counseling? That may help, although not for me. I was getting counciling through a local hospice, but I found it very painful. I had anxiety attacks before and after them (so why go when I make an appointment that causes me soo much pain and anxiety?) I've been through the cycles of grieving many times now with my love lost, it just isn't getting any easier and it's hard to find passion for anything. I turned here because I don't want my family/ friends to know how badly I am hurting. Hope to make some online friends her to give and recieve some help/ support. Hugs to those grieving too!

Permalink Reply by Debra Waszut on June 3, 2012 at 7:18am

I am going to try a grief group on Tuesday this week, but I am having my doubts. 

Permalink Reply by Debra Waszut on June 3, 2012 at 7:13am

I am understanding everything you feel.  You put it so well.  Everyone around me is trying to keep me busy and what I really want to do is bury myself.  But I think my husband left me with so much to do so that I would be here for my boys if he could not.  We were so much in love and had 33 years and to loose him so suddenly is the most painful thing I am enduring.  I am walking a path I never thought I would.  Everyone tells me God has a plan. I am having faith that they are right.  I would have traded places with him in a moment but that wasn't to be.  You will find a way is all I've been told.  Read the posts here.  We are not alone.  Far from it.  I am so glad I found this. I am so sorry for your loss.  Heck, I am so sorry for mine.  All I want now is to be able to hear from him and hug him and smell him.  Trust me I am feeling this with you.

Permalink Reply by Lynne M. on June 6, 2012 at 3:35pm

Dear Danielle.  So very, very sorry for your loss.  Everyone here understands the feelings you describe so well and most of us find a lot of support in sharing with others who are going through the same thing.  I lost my husband of almost 41 years two months ago - a sudden and unexpected heart attack, as he'd had no prior medical issues and hadn't been diagnosed with anything.  The shock and adjustment truly are overwhelming, you're absolutely right about that.  As so many have said, you simply have to hang on to the fact that it does get better with time - that's not much comfort in the beginning, I know, but it's true, all the same.  Life will go on and you'll find your way into the "new normal" that everyone talks about...but it will take some time.  Hang in there and come on here often if you find it useful.  Wishing you all the best.  Lynne