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Permalink Reply by anna l. on January 21, 2012 at 10:20pm

Amanda you have probably read other posts from me saying I keep expecting my husband to just come home now too and it has been over 6 months.  I "know" he is gone, but I guess I dont accept it either or I wouldnt still have those moments like that.  I think people just need to keep their advice to themselves unless we ask them for some.  We all have to find our own way on this journey we did not choose so even if they think they have all the answers because they have been through something similiar, they are not us.  They do not know what will work for us.  My kids are grown with spouses and children so it was just the two of us for 300 plus days a year and he was my life.  Nothing will ever be right or the same again and I know you feel the same way.  Maybe next time one of your so called friends think to tell you that you need to learn to accept what life you have now, maybe you could suggest they learn to accept you for who you are now without him!

 

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Permalink Reply by Karen Usry on January 27, 2012 at 11:27pm

Amanda,

I understand exactly how you feel.  The people who tell me I need to move on and how I must accept my husband's passing have never lost their spouse.  I lost my husband to asbestos cancer in 2006.  From the time they discovered the cancer ( stage 4 ) it was 5 days short of 4 months till his passing.   It's been almost 6 years this March.   Like you, I never wanted to let go of my husband.  We were married 17 years....I would have loved to have another 50 years.  I always say I had my own personal 9/11.   My world blew apart into a million pieces.   My world still is a mystery to me.   I feel like I'm living a life that I never wanted to live.  God has chosen this path for me and I don't understand where I'm suppose to be going.   I just wish through all this, the purpose would be revealed.  I guess I'm selfish, I really miss my buddy.  He was my best friend.   The only thing that time has revealed is the hurt does get better.  You will find that you will be able to deal with your pain better.  I still have a very hard time on the Christmas, our Anniversary and his Birthday.  It's OK to feel what you are feeling.   The journey of grief will take the rest of your life.  He will never leave your heart.  Eventually, you will start holding on to the happy moments of your life.  When I go to those moments, I find I can smile and laugh about our funny family stories.  

Karen

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Permalink Reply by Jacy on February 4, 2012 at 12:13pm

I have the same issue of acceptance. I can't accept that I won't see my father anymore. I don't want to continue my life. It has been three months. Everyone is telling that I have to go on with my life and enjoy my kids(7 years & 7months) but I don't want to let it go.  Ireally don't know what to do. I can't talk to my kids for 3 months now and don't know what to do???? Any advise & 

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Permalink Reply by Kathy S McBee on February 22, 2012 at 4:52pm

I can relate to what you're saying. After two months, I feel like I'm beginning to accept that my hubby is gone. It's just the tip of the iceberg; I know it's going to take more time. Still, I've come to believe, through other losses in life, that accepting the loss and letting go are very different. The people who've passed on, from my life, are still very much with me - in memories, in how I think about life, in a multitude of ways. For instance, my grandmother passed away in 1979; I still smile and remember her whenever I see a cardinal (her favorite bird). Each person I've held dear has stayed with me in special ways. They've become a part of me so I'll never totally let go of them - it would mean letting go of part of myself.

Hope this helps,

Kathy

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Permalink Reply by Blue Bird on February 23, 2012 at 8:18am

Amanda,  You don't have to accept anything until YOU are ready.  Bottom line. I lost my spouse in Sept. 08 and it took almost 3 years before I started to feel acceptance.  Actually, it's not acceptance, I just started to feel more like a person again.  I still miss him terribly.  I know he is in such a wonderfu wonderful place and we will be together again one day.  Just wished we had a longer life together and I am very blessed to have had 34 years with him.  Grief is such a roller coaster ride.  But I am better today than I was a year ago.  You just take one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. 

Reenie 

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Permalink Reply by Susan Broadus on March 20, 2012 at 5:44pm

You don't have to let go Amanda, I understand what your going through, I lost Mom a year ago, last Oct the love of my life and 3 weeks after that my brother. how does one ever let go? they don't, they just learn to move on and try to cherish the memories without breaking down every time..but that's ok too..thank god I have 4 daughters that have been supportive to a point but no one will tell me when I can and can't grieve, it may take years, that's our choice..I just try to keep in mind that one day I will see them again.....

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Permalink Reply by Mark on April 1, 2012 at 6:58pm

  Hi Amanda.  I hope you don't mind me pulling this thread up but I'm still a little new around here and I wanted to say something about your post.  I'm dealing with a lot of things in regard to recently losing my mom.  It includes dealing with "advice" from others who say things like you've got to accept this or that or you need to do this or that.  I think I've found a commonality we all share and it's something I'm going to challenge myself on this week when I'm facing one of those moments where someones words or "advice" annoys me.  What I'm thinking we all deal with is trying to gain approval from every one who thinks they have the answers or they have elected to psychoanalyze our individual losses.  I think we need to stop and hold our heads up and look that person or people in the face and tell them to stuff it.  We aren't on this earth to gain their approval or live life based on their script of how they would deal with emotions.  I guess the proper response to anyone who thinks they have the answers to your life would be... I'm gonna do me and you can do you so keep your advice to yourself.  No one knows your heart Amanda.  We all have that primal instinct to survive.  Your heart knows how it can survive your loss.  My heart knows that about me as well.  We don't need to apply anyones suggestion that we don't want to.  I'll never let my mom completely go.  NEVER.  and some how I'll make it.

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Permalink Reply by Sophia on August 6, 2012 at 5:59pm

I lost my son November 2011 & i too feel as if people don't understand that i am still grieving & that i cannot accept that my oldest child is no longer alive. I know he is gone but I just can't 'accept' it. I'm frustrated & hurt by people's insensitivity. As if I should be just moving on with my life without any trouble! I've always been an upbeat, easy going person but now it is so very, very hard to be my "old self". I will never be the same again. My heart is broken & the miriad of emotions I feel daily are so hard to deal with. Counseling has given me someone to talk to openly & I'm looking into group therapy with other's who've lost loved ones. But nothing & no one can help me accept my son's death. Those who really care about me will ACCEPT me grieving the death of my child!

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Permalink Reply by Jayne on August 24, 2012 at 1:03am

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom, my best friend a few weeks ago to Pancreatic Cancer and I am devastated! people just do not understand and say you have to move on. I miss her so she was my life. we shared so much and I cn't let go either. so I feel your pain.

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