Carols, funny Christmas songs...all of it, everyone of them brings flashes from the past, as well as knowing those Christmas's that will never be.   I am tired all of the time, the "why bothers" run things, the "who cares". The depression I already deal with is in a space that I have never really experienced before.  Can't sleep, and I have flashes of her last moments with me, my screaming on the inside for her to keep breathing, to keep fighting; knowing full well that she was tired, that her fight was over, and that it was ME that wasn't ready to stop fighting, ME who wanted her to carry on...I wasn't ready for her to give up or to let go.

I don't know what to do with all this stuff that is swirling around my head and my heart!

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Speed Weasel commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
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Addie replied to Kali's discussion It was not supposed to be like this in the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
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It was not supposed to be like this

In 2014 I met the most amazing man ever. We were both in our very early 20s and were looking for different things at the time. We ceased communication for roughly 6 months. During which time, he completed basic training and joined the Air Force. By the time we reconnected he was already at his first duty station.. 8 hours away.We decided we wanted to continue our relationship and proceeded to cultivate a deeply emotional connection. Regular calls and video chats, visits while he was home on…See More
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