Why can't I release the pain I feel..?

It's been almost eight months since my mom has been gone and I'm no where near finding peace within myself, in fact, most days I feel worse. I thought in time, I would be able to cope better, remember the memories, and move forward, but sadly this hasn't been the case. I have hit an emotional block, where nothing can get in and I can't release the pain I feel within. I'm trapped by my own feelings..I've tried to make sense of it but can't! It seems that I'm living on a rollercoaster; I'm up one minute, then down the next..am I always going to feel like this, why can't I release the pain I feel inside to help me feel better!?!

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Comment by Kathryn Eldridge on September 23, 2012 at 8:33pm

The final cause of death was septic shock but it was all due to Chirrosis of the liver.

Comment by Jennifer Blackwood on September 23, 2012 at 8:12pm

Yeah, she tried to enjoy life but she got to the point where she was praying to God every night to either make her better or to take her on home..I guess that's the only way her could make her better! Oh I know it's not going to disappear overnight, it would just be nice to have a little break every once in awhile you know! How did you mom pass, if you don't mind me asking?

Comment by Kathryn Eldridge on September 23, 2012 at 2:55pm

Wow, 4 years? My mom was sick for about a year. My mom was scared. I do think she, too, got tired. I know what you mean, carrying on with our lives with out our mothers is hard. The pain just is not going to disspear overnight. Which is not fun. Hang in there. I do not know if the pain is going to lessen or not. With using reason, it should. It's only getting worse every day for me though. I had problems with depression before. It was very bad. This is worse. Hugs.

Comment by Jennifer Blackwood on September 23, 2012 at 8:29am

Exactly, I know mom wanted to go, for the last four years of her life, she was in so much pain. She went to many doctors and tried to get better but she got tired! She is in a much better place now and no longer hurting, I'm so happy for HER but so sad for MYSELF! I wouldn't dare ask her to come back even if I could, because I'm not selfish like that but when am I gonna have peace for me..I guess since I'm impatient on everything else, I expect myself to be 100% better in no time! *Hugs*

Comment by Kathryn Eldridge on September 22, 2012 at 9:02pm

Hi, I want you to know that I am going through the samw emotions. It's like ok well this pain simply cannot get any worse. Wake up the next day, WRONG. The pain only gets deeper and deeper every day. It's truly agonizning. It's only been 8 months for you. It's been almost 10 for me. We need to know that it has not been that long since our loved ones passed. It's all very new to us. As far as making sense. I do not even try anymore. Death is a mystery of life. It just is not going to be understood therefore the feelings that are asscoiated with it are unexplainable as well. I, also, am having a very hard time releasing anything. I think it might be normal. I do not know, though, hugs.

 

Kathy 

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