Why can't I release the pain I feel..?

It's been almost eight months since my mom has been gone and I'm no where near finding peace within myself, in fact, most days I feel worse. I thought in time, I would be able to cope better, remember the memories, and move forward, but sadly this hasn't been the case. I have hit an emotional block, where nothing can get in and I can't release the pain I feel within. I'm trapped by my own feelings..I've tried to make sense of it but can't! It seems that I'm living on a rollercoaster; I'm up one minute, then down the next..am I always going to feel like this, why can't I release the pain I feel inside to help me feel better!?!

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Comment by Kathryn Eldridge on September 25, 2012 at 1:37pm

I am glad for this!!!!

Comment by Jennifer Blackwood on September 25, 2012 at 1:20pm

Oh exactly, I don't know what I would do without her! I know I would be worse off, if I didn't have her in my life..because she is the only one I can really talk to about my mom, or anything without being judged!

Comment by Kathryn Eldridge on September 25, 2012 at 12:46pm

That's very good. The fact that you have one and have had one is reason why it's almost a good thing that you have a prior problem with depression. You already know your therapist and they can help you through this time. :)

Comment by Jennifer Blackwood on September 24, 2012 at 7:37am

I do have a therapist that I have been seeing for five years now, thank God!

Comment by Kathryn Eldridge on September 23, 2012 at 9:24pm

That's awful. Point blank that's just bad. Do you have a therpist or someone to help you?

Comment by Jennifer Blackwood on September 23, 2012 at 9:14pm

I wish I knew why some people are like they are..her own family(mine too) has told me that I need to move on and they refuse to talk about her!

Comment by Kathryn Eldridge on September 23, 2012 at 9:11pm

O yes. I have not had anyone tell me that it shouldnt bother me. How messed up is that?

Comment by Jennifer Blackwood on September 23, 2012 at 8:52pm

Exactly, it is traumatic! People think that if they weren't murdered or such, then it shouldn't bother us, but to know how she was before, and to see her like that!!:/ I have flashbacks all the time, but it has gotten better since I have her pics everywhere..so I can remember her how she was! She was in a coma for three weeks..it really is horrible!

Comment by Kathryn Eldridge on September 23, 2012 at 8:48pm

Thanks. She was in the CCU on life support. The doctor said there was no hope. They removed the breathing tube and she passed within minutes. I must saying seeing her in there hooked up to all this stuff while having blood transfusions and, as I said, with the breathing tube was the hardest and will be the hardest thing I have ever saw. I still get flashbacks. She was so cold. She was in a coma towards the end. All she really did was twitch. omg. So traumatic. She was so full of life and to see her like that...Horrible.

Comment by Jennifer Blackwood on September 23, 2012 at 8:40pm

I'm really sorry!!!:'(

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