What am I supposed to do?

Part of me has died. He is gone and won't be back. I've been with him for nearly half of my life and we have always been together.  Now we are not.  What am I supposed to do?

I am able to drag myself to work and home again.  I am not doing a great job like I used to do, but I show up [barely] do the job and drag myself home again.  He's only been gone just over 2 months.  How do I learn to live and exist when everything stopped when he died. Is there something to do or read or someone to talk to that can help me figure out what to do and/or how to do it?

Everyone tells me I should not make any big decisions for a year after he died. [God it's hard to say that] However, all I can think of is that I came to this state to be with him and all I want to do [and have wanted to do for years] is to get the hell out!  Maybe somewhere closer to my family, but maybe not.  They are 10-12 hours away from me now and I have no one here so it would probably be a smart thing to do, but I don't really know where I want to go.  I just want to get the hell out of here!!!

Everyone also says that I need to get out of the house....that I should move out of it now because it holds so many years of memories.  The thing is, I don't want to move out of the house until I'm ready to move away. All I think about when I'm away from home is getting back home.  When I'm at work, I want to be home. Even just a quick shopping trip, I rush myself because I want to get home.

I'm crazy, right?

I just read a blog where people were ugly to the person.  That's happened to me as well and I just dropped them.  I don't call. I don't message. I just dropped them.  I'm having a hard enough time without someone making me worry about something petty.  Drop 'em!!  Gone.

My Clint left on June 4, 2016.  We had been together 24 years.  We had the opportunity to talk about everything because we knew it was coming. He told me to go live a good, happy life and that's what I intend to do.  I just have to figure out how to do the living without him part so I can fulfill the rest of it!

 

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Comment by Billy Jo Colt on August 17, 2016 at 12:26pm

It is only natural to feel those emotions and to cling to something familiar. You may not realise it but you are getting some comfort from the home you and your husband lived in. No matter what happens or how long you live, you won't forget that home. I agree people who are ugly, drop em. They are no good to you. At this moment you need support. Whether that's family or friends, you need it. The roller coaster of emotions we endure are part and parcel of grieving. Anger, frustration, depression, lonleyness, isolation and more. All very normal, so you ain't crazy. Just a human being in love with the person who has just passed on. That love will never die. My Dr told me not to make any financial decisions, or major decisions in the first 9 months. Make sure you will get the support of your mamily before moving. I think that is coming through in your post clearly. Sending you big hugggs. Take your time and try to think rationally before making any decisions. Take care and wishing you all the luck in the world. xxxHi Rachel, You are still very raw from your loss.

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