Comment

Comment by Mary on June 7, 2016 at 9:17am

Your story makes me very sad. There are so many questions that we have when our husbands pass. People say to try and not beat yourself up. That is not easy because your mind never stops. But Your husband wouldn't want u to do that and add to your pain. I pray for your husband that he is at peace now and I pray for u to be at peace. Losing your husband is something that affects your whole being, your whole world.

Comment by Robin on June 7, 2016 at 7:14am

Had a tough morning I listen to his music and it all has a story he likes Creed,nickleback,shinedown,three doors down it all is mostly sad and lost and lonely it is like he never had a chance in this world from the loss of his father to dealing with bipolar everyday which he was taking medicine for it was like he tried do hard and was a great man who would do anything for his family but he never has peace, I could never understand that until now and it breaks my heart especially with the way I had been the last few years when I say he was my everything he was I stopped talking to my family because they never accepted him,I now sit here broken,I don't understand why now, back in 2004 he tried to take his life he took a whole bottle of Tylenol and they brought him back to life, why did God spare him when he wanted to go then take him away 12 years later when he didn't want to go it makes no sense it makes me angry and sad, I had talked my husband out of taking his life many times all in 2004 telling him how we needed him, we loved him, how much he had to live for only to be gone now, he always told me I had no idea what he had to deal with now I do I would never hurt myself I am scared of dying but I feel his sadness and pain and understand his story, I will be forever broken

Comment by Mary on June 7, 2016 at 2:09am

My heart breaks for you. I understand your pain. I lost my husband 6 weeks ago. We were together for 35 years. He was only 52 and passed away suddenly. I too feel maybe I was not nice enough to him or expected too much. We are soulmates and loved each other. We shared that with each other frequently. I feel punished at times that because I'm not perfect, because I didn't appreciate the life I had, this happened. I too want to heal but scared about forgetting. It's hard to pretend all is ok when it is not. I miss my best friend the one I shared my daily life with, the father of my children. I try to be string for my kids but it is so hard. I don't know why some people die early and yet some older people are left to suffer. My worst fear has happened and I'm scared. Hugs to you and all who have lost a spouse, the love of their life.

Comment by Steph on June 6, 2016 at 8:34am

Although I cannot say I know exactly how you feel, I do appreciate where you are coming from. I too struggle with the idea of trying to heal, and in my case potentially move on with someone else, without losing the man we loved so dearly. By wanting to heal there comes an idea that we don't want to remember anymore, and that is totally not true. And I know this is going to be easier said than done, but I don't believe God took him from you to punish you, although I have had that thought several times myself. Why things have happened the way they did is something that will drive us mad if we dwell too much. One thing I can tell you, I lost my older brother (he was 13) to cancer when I was only 9. To this day I can still see his face in my mind and the memories we shared are still as vivid today as they were 28 years ago. Healing is not losing them. Healing is being able to breathe while remembering them. 

Comment by Wyatt's Mom on June 5, 2016 at 5:14pm

I cannot imagine how you feel, Robin.  I lost my son, so our grief is different.  What I do know though, is that you did not do anything to make this happen.  It is not your fault and I truly feel our God is not a punishing God...though I respect others may feel differently.  I don't know why people die and I don't know why our hearts break open so widely with pain.  It is excruciating.   Your post makes it clear how much you loved and love your husband; that truth will never change.  I'm so sorry.  May God bless us all and bring us healing in any, and every way possible.