One day after their wedding anniversary, my best friend Rebecca lost her husband to a stroke.  He had had many health challenges, including diabetes, high blood pressure and kidney disease.  He didn't follow the diabetic diet at all well.  In fact the meal they had for their anniversary was not on that diet.  When heard where they were going for that meal, I had some misgivings, but knew that he had done that many times and recovered pretty well.  But this time I had a strong sense of  uncertainty.  It really hit me like a to of bricks when my friend texted me saying that she had to "pull the plug" and let him go after having a massive stroke!!  My boyfriend got put out with me for listening to others' sad stories like that because he thought it was bad for my health.  How do you ignore news like that, though?  I am a loving, caring person, and ignoring it would not work at all.  So, I told him good bye yesterday and that is final.  I hurt, but also have a great sense of relief and release now.  I pray for him, but that is all I can do.  Blessings to all of you. 

Easter Day, April 5, 2015 Update.  As this is Easter, it has been a very trying day for me, even two years after my Dad passed.  I awoke this morning in something like panic, realizing what day it was, and have felt awful ever since then.  Went to church, but not until after they would have finished with singing hymns.  One of those hymns would likely have been "In the Garden."  That was a song that my Dad dearly loved and could sing pretty well with his nice tenor voice.  It brings tears to my eyes and makes my stomach hurt to think about that beautiful but somewhat sad hymn now. 

God Bless all of you.  Jeannette Grenier  

March 18, 2015.  Hi.  I'm new to submitting posts to blogs, so hopefully I'm doing this "right."  I have read several of the blogs and my heart goes out to every one of those people. 

I am 61 and dealing with many losses that have taken place since the beginning of 2013.  My favorite aunt passed away at the age of 93 in January of 2013.  Then the day before Easter of 2013, my dad passed away after being with my mother in an assisted living facility for several years.  He had Alzheimers as well as PTSD and other psychological issues that really came out in the last couple of months of his life.  In fact he pushed my sweet mother, and they had to be separated never to see each other again. He injured a few of the staff at the assistant living facility too.  Then there was a 31 year old 2nd cousin of mine who committed suicide in August of 2014. and I was asked to contacted our family regarding that tragedy.    My loving 86-year-old mother, who had Sundowner's Alzheimers, passed away at a nursing home on October 9, 2014. 

On top of all of that, my best friend's husband, who had been ill with diabetes and kidney disease for years and had suffered several "little" strokes, had a massive stroke a few days ago, and passed away.  It was just a day after they celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary.

Now I am having anxiety attacks, and my IBS/digestive issues have gotten worse.  I have had many medical tests run.  Other than IBS, and some gastritis, I don't have any major health issues.  But there are so many things I cannot digest now that never used to give me such problems.  My stomach is always upset and hurts quite a bit. 

My wonderful friends want to comfort me.  I really appreciate them, and smile when I realize how much I am loved - more than I probably deserve.  But I feel their frustration as they want so much for me to be my good ol' self again.  Fortunately they have come to understand why I tend to want to be alone a lot as I keep trying to sort things out and deal with the pain. 

I have found taking long walks in the woods to be one of my favorite forms of therapy.  Also, on the recommendation of one of my friends, I now have a hospice grief counselor who is great.  But it seems that this will likely be a long journey as I continue looking for little rays of sunlight. 

Sorry for the long blog, but I felt the need to get this all down in writing.  Thanks for your support.