"GriefShare is a church based support group. They do have meetings online, but the usual format is a group of people experiencing a loss getting together weekly to watch videos (13 weeks total) about grief and loss. After the video, we talk about the…"
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Today is Friday, my dad, my best friend in the world, died Monday
My dad is the most wonderful person in the world. We shared everything. We like all the same movies, books, food ... . I knew I was always first in his mind. He was always concerned if I wasn't happy, and he tried everything to fix my problems should they arise. He made time to talk with me, and he was never angry if I disrupted him. I would scratch his back at night, and we would talk into the wee hours of the morning. He would always say, "I know I don't want this to end, but you should get to bed." He knew that if I was having a bad day, all he had to say was "hey kiddo, lets grab us some coffee."
He died Monday from blood cancer -- 18 years after survivng a liver transplant. I feel lost and alone. I feel like nothing could ever fill the void that has formed in my stomach. I will be empty forever. Please, come talk to me again dad -- I need you now more than ever before.
He died Monday from blood cancer -- 18 years after survivng a liver transplant. I feel lost and alone. I feel like nothing could ever fill the void that has formed in my stomach. I will be empty forever. Please, come talk to me again dad -- I need you now more than ever before.
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Comment by Laura Villarreal on August 10, 2009 at 7:07am
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Your are very welcome. Take care; my prayers go out to you and your mom on this day.
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Comment by Cat Bailey on August 9, 2009 at 11:55pm
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Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. I hope with all my heart that he'll give me a sign. The funeral is tomorrow. I guess I don't want to admit he's really gone...
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Let me add this...this was the first time (June 4) since her passing that my head was somewhat clear and not so foggy and muddled. If she had tried to communicate before then I think I would have missed the message because I felt so numb and grief stricken. While I was not ever looking for a "sign", each day I would ask her "why did you leave me"? I interpreted her message to mean "Physically I have left you, mom, but I will be with you always".
With all my heart I believe your dad will send you a message; but when and how is up to him. Take care, Cat.
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Cat, this the content of the email I sent my brothers on the day she sent her message. My daughter's name is Angela. Chuck is my husband. My daughter and I had many common interests and music was at the top of the list. She kept my feeling young....so here is the story:
Hey, just want to let you guys know what happened to me this morning...
Today was the first day I decided I really needed to get out and get some things done for Sunday (the day of Angela’s San Antonio Celebration of Life Service). Well, I haven't wanted to drive my car because it just makes me think of how much Angela loved it, so I took Chuck's big blue caddy. His car has a radio and cassette player and since I own no cassettes I'm left with the radio which Chuck usually leaves on a tejano station. Not this morning...
Upon starting the car the radio came on and the first thing I heard was "Angie...Angie" (remember that song?) I thought, please God. Okay, so the next song was "All by myself, don't want to be all by myself, anymore" (I had been feeling so alone without my child). By the time the third song started I knew it was Angela because the song was "you made me so very happy, I'm so glad you came into my life" (I stated in her obituary that I was so blessed to have had her for as long as I did).
If I had taken my car she could not have "talked" to me because 99% of the time I listen to my CDs and she knew that!
This happened on the morning of June 4, 2009
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Laura, it would mean a lot to me to hear your story. Thank you so much for all your encouraging words.
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Cat, listen to your mom--the only other question you might have is how much time-and for that there is no answer. Live your life one day at a time taking baby steps if needed. My faith in God lets me believe I will see my daughter again. How could it be any other way? On June 4, 2009 my daughter sent a message to me. If you would like me to share the story with you just let me know. Take care of yourself-my thoughts and prayers are with you and your mom.
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I can't tell you how much your words mean to me. That's all I want in the world -- some type of contact with him, or just an assurance I'll see him again someday. I can't imagine a world without him in it -- I pray that time will help -- my mom keeps saying it will.
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Comment by Stephanie on August 8, 2009 at 3:42pm
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im so so very sorry for your huge loss. on this group we know that pain, that unbearable sense of loss, and most of all, the desperation to have contact with our lost one, the one that was so close to us. look for the signs. he will make contact with you. talk to him, he will hear you. in the beginning it is so shocking the pain is so bad you are almost in disbelief. the brain cant even comprehend what has happened. give yourself time. you can keep talking to me. your stomach will find ways to deal with how its feeling. i promise you. you will find the peace and the coping mechanims and how to look for the signs. you must keep tallking.
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It's so good to hear from people who have gone through it themselves. I still can't believe it entirely. When I look at his photo, I just want to go talk to him... he seems like he's just right there as always. I just posted a photo of him. He looks so full of life.
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Comment by Diana, Grief Recovery Coach on August 7, 2009 at 7:27pm
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Do you have pictures of your dad that you would like to share? I'd love to see them.
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