Today is 8 weeks...

I have cried and cried all night last night and all day today. I'm moving back home today, we haven't been here since Johrdan passed away...8 weeks ago today. Where the hell am I supposed to go to get some peace in my heart...there will never be anywhere to go and that makes me so crazy. So insane. I can feel the screams building up inside of me, and I don't know what will happen when they finally fill me up. I have pushed them down and tried to ignore them but I'm losing the battle. Everyday is harder, no way to get away...ever. I'm falling apart.

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Comment by coachlouise on August 22, 2011 at 4:18am

Take your pillow and scream into it until you can-not scream any more. Let your pain out. Your life has fallen apart, now you are on the road of putting it back together. It is not easy, trust the process, and suddenly piece by piece you will become better than you were before. 

 

Comment by Sandra LaBonte on August 16, 2011 at 7:02pm

Stephanie,

Sadly at 16 weeks  I have found there is no where to go. It's just not possible to run away from yourself or the pain. I have tried and tried but I have found no peace. I would let the screams out. The only times I have felt anything close to relief is after I have completely freaked out. Crying, screaming and running down the road to her accident site. I call it falling in my black hole. I think I just completely exhaust myself so much that I am unable to feel anything else. Sorry to sound so hopeless but I just finished looking at some old post on Kasey's Facebook. There is one post she made 8 weeks before she died. She was thanking me for buying her the car she died in. Why, why did I buy her that car.

I am thinking of you and your precious Johrdan,

Sandy

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