today the girl next door came over to show me her new baby, I could not go out side to see her. all I could do was cry remembering when my beautiful son shawn was born weighing 5 pounds 14 ounces. so beautiful and I knew he was mine forever, never in a million years did I think he would go away and I am alone, empty. my life now is crying and praying to go with him. my heart so broken, its to hard to see people happy, to se new babies, to see life go on. I so hate living waking up each morning knowing its another day of hell on earth.