the giult of contributing to a loved ones death

for my lil sis.if i had been able to protect u from the horrible things our mother did to you when u were a child.if i had had the money to help u keep your house when u lost your job.if i could have helped u get into rehab when u begged our weathy family to send u there.if i had had my act together enough to have a funeral for u,wich was your wish,instead of your remains being cast aside by our uncaring family.with all the dignity  a dead dog found at the side of the road.a carcas left for the state to dispose of.To peter.if i hadnt had a total breakdown on the second anniversary of my sis's death.if i hadnt yelled and cried in front of you.if i hadn't told u to leave me alone for a few weeks,so that i could pull myself together,and not burden u with my breakdown.if i hadnt told u just to go spend time with your friends or do whatever,untill i got over my freakout,wich led u to be in the place/with the people who killed you.if i had been less selfish and loved u both more.would u still b ailve?if it wearnt for me?i am so sorry.so sorry i failed u both.so sorry that u both might still b alive,if i had never been born.

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Comment by Kat Gray on October 30, 2016 at 11:55am

 sorry to hear these feelings of YOURS...My dearest darling Christy was my true friend and confident..We had a close and loving relationship...I made her darling dresses that she loved to wear as well as her First Communion dress.

she loved Ballet and was a ballerina for several years as she was growing up.  She also loved to learn and play the flute.  She was an amazing flutist. I gave her a beautiful silver German flute which she truly loved to play. We spent many summer vacations enjoying the Oregon Coast. When Christine was a teen and in her early 20's we shared lots of walks by the river, coffee at Lindamans,. She loved to spend time with me at my house singing and dancing and just sipping a warm cup of tea with me. She often like me to braid her beautiful long strawberry red hair. I have many wonderful memories of my dear Christy Mae from the afternoon she was born to now and forever. I had a beautiful Funeral Mass for my dear and loving daughter.  Many friends and family came from afar to pay their respects. 

Christine had a horrible addiction that she could not shake.  We tried to get her into Rehab several times but she refused.  I know she wanted to get clean.  But the addiction to Opiates was too much to bear. My dearly Beloved daughter will forever be in my heart..I believe the Angels took her that night to give her peace and to be with Our Lord and Savior.

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It was not supposed to be like this

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