Thank you for welcoming me to the on-line grief community.

I woke up in the middle of the night, feeling like I was going to suffocate. The 40th anniversary of my mothers death is this Sunday April 4. She had cancer. I was 11 years old. I did not know that my mother was going to die. When she did, I started to cry, my aunt said "stop crying you are just feeling sorry for yourself" I learned to hold all of my feeling inside, I have turned my anger inward and am now depressed. As a 51 year old mother of 2, I need to know how to grieve and how to pass onto my sons how to express their feelings in an appropriate way. If anyone has experience that would help me, I am open to you.

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Comment by Donna Olson on April 2, 2010 at 9:31pm
Hi, It's been a few days since I have written, just 2 more days to Easter and that anniversary date. This year I am really affected. I have been very emotional since my mom's birthday on January 14th. She was 38 when she died, I keep imagining her as a 78 year old. What would that be like? The suffocating feeling that I wake up with, I feel like I am not going to make it. So many years of holding onto my feelings and holding everything inside. Grief is griping me.

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