Such sadness

Up all night,now making phone calls way too early.  I live on the west coast of Canada, a sister in Alberta, one in Ontario, one in New Brunswick.  All different time zones so by the time we got the news here it was too late to call any of them last night.  Morning comes 4 hours earlier in New Brunswick than here so I started there and moved westward telling each one after the other that our brother is dying.  2 days maybe more if the antibiotics stop his kidneys shutting down temporarily.  So much like the calls that had to be made when my son died, and when my husband was dying.  My brother is in the same hospital as Tom was so that is hard too.  I just keep praying they do not move him into a palliative room because if they do I will not be able to walk through that door.  Sad, confused, tired, alone, getting ready to say goodbye to my big brother who has been like my dad since he died when I was only  9 and my brother was already in his 20s.  6 foot 7, built like a amateur body builder he would pick us kids up like we were toothpicks.  How is it possible he is now that curled body in a hospital bed about to leave us?  I cant quite wrap my head around it.   

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Comment by dream moon JO B on May 26, 2013 at 3:25pm

all i no anna it seams to be 1 loss aftr anthr loss aftr my dad died a lot of more death folord it seams to get worse 

i no u dont wont any more losses it seams to get wors e wen we get older 

i get upset wen peple tell me get over it its easy by peple its nevr lost any 1 if thy lost any 1 i wondr if thy wud say it

Comment by anna l. on May 25, 2013 at 4:17pm

Thanks Jo, it is very hard to go into the building every day.  We do not have to move him.  They decided since he was in a room at the end of the hall they would leave him there.  They moved his room mate out but left the bed there for overnight visits for us.  Reg had one amazing day after they put him on iv and antibiotics, then started down again.  Yesterday when I left his, I kissed his head and said I love you.  He said love you back to me.  Those where his only words yesterday.  Two of us got to hear him say them to us at different times.  An amazing gift!!  Today he is pretty sleepy.  Not very long now until he is free of this world, this body that has broken down so fast. 

Comment by dream moon JO B on May 22, 2013 at 4:05pm

im so sory  anna i no whot u mean abot fone carls wen my dad died me andd mum foned evry 1 in th famly famly friens coz we did not whont thm finding out in the obitchery notic in the paper

i cantt even set fooot in a hospilt now i cant i whot u mean on tht part as welll its left a lot of peple of fobias iv sean on hear

so sory

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