I was overcome today with anger about my wife's passing.

A lot of it has to do with her Doctors.  I know it is easy to blame the doctors, and I have been told that nobody makes them take anything or put a pill in their mouth except the person taking it.  

Now hold on just a minute, because if it wasn't for the doctors just laying script after script out for her, plus bags and boxes of samples, maybe she would still be here today.

Can't some of these types of doctors get writers cramp, carpel tunnel, or maybe get their finger stuck all day long in someones hiney so as not to be able to be able to fill out over-medicating scripts once in a while, at least just once a day?

An example is a pain clinic physician who prescribed hydrocordhone to her, and eventually had to put her on a detox plan.  Meaning, he was still prescribing it to her but only in broken down weekly amounts.  Excuse me, but there are other pain relievers that are non-narcotic.

She was even hospitalized and almost died from a toxic reaction to it recently before her death, yet the doctor still kept on prescribing it.

Does that make sense to anyone?  

At least I am at the anger stage and maybe arriving at the latter part of grief.

Overall, I am glad to be alive and am seeing where I must move on, in much more logical leaps and bounds than these last 4 nightmarish months since Jami died.  If I include my mothers death, it would be the last 8 months.

I was able to go the the pharmacies she frequented to get computer printouts of the last few years showing all of her prescriptions.  Why can't doctors get e-mails from pharmacies to view right on their laptops all of the meds that their patients are on, rather that just asking them "Now, are you on any other medications?"  

Duh!!  I think people with addiction problems can sort of not tell the truth to doctors sometimes, and possibly get some extra narcotic prescriptions!

 I was able to get all of the information about everything she was on, why couldn't the doctors?  

One of her doctors told me over the phone that my wife informed her that she was no longer on hyrdrochordone, to which I advised her that she lied to her.

There is something wrong with this whole picture, which is why I have seen an attorney to file a wrongful death lawsuit.

I don't give a doggy-doo about money.  This just might give me some closure to help me accept her death better.

Am going on day to day and raising our child.  He should have a mommy here loving him and me and us loving her back.

Haven't really been feeling her presence or spirit the last few days.  

Maybe she's on a vacation somewhere.  Flying the friendly skies so to speak!

I question myself on why I feel that I can handle almost anything else this world dishes out to me, but the medical/doctor issue about her death just punched me in the eye today.

Just needed to vent.......See, I'm just like everyone else on here.   We all have to break down once in a while so as to get better.

Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

Sometimes I think the Hoover Company invented Grief, simple because it really SUCKS!!

Love to you all,

Michael