Comment

Comment by Jessica Berninzon on May 25, 2012 at 11:28am

gm Karen i just was now reading about your son i got to the part about longing for or to hear the words mom im home who would ever think those words could throw someone into hysterics like it just did my heart breaks for you Karen , i said my self i would do anything just anything to hear those words myself , i would of gladly taken amber's place given the chance , and would again do anything to have every single moment her and i clashed back again how unfair is all this what did i do i say to have to endure this more so what could amber have done to have her life cut of like she has i will talk later ...jess 

Comment by Karen R. on September 19, 2011 at 11:33pm

Hello everyone, does anyone else have periods of feeling numb or has been feeling numb for a long period of time. Does anyone ever feel like if they don't cry anymore, it means that they have "forgotten" about your child or/and you have accepted what happened?

Comment by Karen R. on September 19, 2011 at 11:29pm

Hey Lorraine, thanks for the compliment. This life can certainly be cruel at times. I wish I could have saved my son also, especially being a nurse, that made it even worse for me. You are alone in having days when you feel numb. I find my self feeling more that way when I make an effort to convince myself that "it" NEVER happened and that my son is perfectly fine and it's all my imagination and like a ton of bricks the tears and anger comes full force. Sometimes I feel like my crying will never stop, I find myself crying more when I'm alone.

Thanks again Lorraine 

Comment by Lorraine on September 19, 2011 at 8:25pm

Karen, I think you must have been an amazing nurse to your patients.  I wish things had ended differently for your son; I do understand the importance of early detection with cat scans, etc. after an accident; I hope that the investigation saves someone else the pain you are going through without your son.  This life sucks in many ways, I am almost ashamed that I feel that way.  There is so much good in the world, and so much good to be done.  Still, I miss Silas so much every day that it is hard to know how to move forward each day.  I don't think I ever felt guilty for feeling good or laughing, as Silas made sure we did a lot of that during his cancer.  I do however, know that I find less laughter and delight in life than I used to.  I know a lot of people who feel guilty like you do though.  I have been in a grief group for parents who lost adult or teen children, and now co-run one with a friend.  It is peer support.  In both groups, the guilt is so common.  I do feel guilty that I couldn't save my son, he shouldn't have suffered like he did, and he should be here to enjoy a long full life.  That just tears me up.  This week I think I am feeling kind of numb, does that ever happen to you?  It feels like I am on overload, so I end up numb, and am surprised I haven't cried in a few days.  Then as suddenly as it came about, I am a huge puddle of grief and tears again... take best of care Karen, and thank you for  being here.

Comment by Karen R. on September 17, 2011 at 7:38pm

Hey Lorraine and everyone. Sorry to hear that you were in an accident but glad to hear that you are here to talk about it! My less fortunate son indured mulitple strokes and bleeding throughout his brain as a result of his TBI, these all gradually occured over the course of a week while he was in ICU, he began a rapid deterioration the last 2 days of his life. During that agonizing week, I was in full "mommy" mode, me being a nurse became secondary. I was allowed to assist with some of his care but I still felt so helpless because he was so helpless. I ended up be admitted after I was told that there was nothing else they could do, I have a defibrillator due to my heart disease and I almost fainted. My family insisted that I be admitted for they feared I would pass away, I had been hospitalized multiple times from 6 months-1 yr before this happened to my son,  At that moment I was hoping that I would. My son was always worried about me and could not deal with seeing me in the hospital. Of course I signed myself out because my anxiety was increased by being separated from my son. I feel like the intervention my son needed was critically delayed, they waited too long to do the initial CTscan and precious time was wasted. Well anyway, that's all under investigation still.

Thank goodness you were able to help take care of your son when he needed you the most, nobody takes care of you like mom, that's the truth!........well, when I was working, I did my best to maintain that concept, I honestly cared for my patients as if they were my child, my parent, my grandparent, my sister or some other relative or good friend because I knew how I would expect to be treated if the tables were turned. Everyone deserves that level of care and respect. Being a nurse never was a "job" for me, yes it was my profession but it was actually my calling. I have always felt like that was my calling, my purpose for being here. Now that I am helping out at my little one's school, I love that too! Those little ones grow on you. Besides working in hospitals, I have done home care/private duty, nursing home rehab and school nursing, it's also crazy that I once worked on a Brain Injury Unit!

I hope that I will begin to have more memories of my son that will make me smile more than I cry. I still have those moments of guilt if I find myself enjoying something. Sometimes I catch my smiles turn quickly into a frown or my laughter into silence. It just tears me up that my son is not here enjoying his life with all of his friends.

Thanks again!

Comment by Lorraine on September 17, 2011 at 6:58am

Karen, the toy drive sounds wonderful!  What a wonderful thing to do in your son's name, and what a wise and caring friend who asked.  Those friends are the gems in life.  I can see exactly how volunteering at your 7 year old's school would be both fulfilling, distracting, and triggering.  I don't think many people know how the ambushes come in and how they hit like a rock to the chest.  I hope (and I do see this happening a bit now) that there will be times when the memories of my son bring comfort and joy when they come unexpectedly like that.  Your being a nurse is a great asset to doing the fundraising work for TBI research.  It is much needed.  I suffered a TBI from a bad car accident, but was extremely fortunate to walk out of it.  The lingering effects have also changed my life, as I forget things sometimes shortly after they are said, and don't have the capacity for physical or mental challenges that I used to.  It is very frustrating to not have the same capabilities I used to, so I really hear you there, without knowing your "disability."  It would also seem that if you went back to work as a nurse, depending on what you do, that could also be triggering.  What I do know about TBI (back to that) is that only now, with all of the young people coming home from war zones with TBI, as well as sports injuries happening, is progress moving forward in a big way.  The whole thing with car accident injuries is that so few doctors are willing to get involved during litigation and it is hard to get accurate information and help.  I had my accident before Sy became sick, and the lawyers on the other side of a big trucking company were going to use my grief against me.  It was a difficult case, and I had to let it go for a small amount of money that I knew I would not be able to care for myself on.... so that's life I guess.  I just felt so blessed to have survived, to be able to care for my Sy guy when he needed me.  Take care of yourself, Karen, as best as you can ~ sending hugs

Comment by Karen R. on September 16, 2011 at 9:59pm

Hello Lorraine. That poem really says it all. I think that is a wonderful that you started a fund in honor of him. An old friend of mine recently asked me if I would be interested in having a toy drive in honor of my son this year. Of course I said yes, I thought that was very sweet of her. I hadn't seen her in many years, she didn't know what had happened to my son. We ran into each other and exchanged numbers and she called me with this idea. She said that after I told her what happened, she could not stop thinking about me. That was so kind of her. She belongs to a group that holds toy and food drives throughout the year. Their next one will be in my son's name. The biggest positive distraction I have is I volunteer at my now 7 yr old's school. I help out in the classrooms and do lunch room duty and playground duty. I go anywhere from 2-4 days a week.  I must admit that sometimes the sadness comes in when I start imagining my son at their age, if I start to feel overwhelmed, I just disappear to the bathroom.  I also plan to get involved with fundraising for TBI-Traumatic Brain Injury Research which is what my son sustained. My true passion is nursing, I am a Registered Nurse but I have been out on disability for about 2.5 years and I have no idea if I will ever be able to return, it's very frustrating.

Thanks for always listening!

Comment by Lorraine on September 15, 2011 at 9:51pm

Karen, thank you for watching the video of my son. It amazes me still that he was strong enough to take the video footage in the midst of such turmoil and heartbreak...  He will always be my Sy guy, and I will always be his mom.  Nothing can take that away... if that is what we are left with, well then, I guess we have to feel the beauty in knowing that these are OUR children...  I love the poem you posted, it makes so much sense.  Too many people just don't get it, and the thing about not taking our anger personally; ha, lots of people can't deal with the fact that we are changed people, anger or not.  I have come to expect less of people, and am so pleasantly surprised by the people who DO get it and continue to love me.  Also the fund keeps me going, as I meet lots of amazing people who are willing to help.  We are just barely off the ground, but that keeps me going.  Do you have anything that helps for you at this time?  I don't mean takes the pain away, that rarely happens with me, but something that gives your life a bit of purpose?  Sometimes it is a garden, or reading, or I don't know.  I appreciate your friendship here, and always look forward to your replies.  Take best of care, and hang in there as best as you can.  sending hugs

Comment by Karen R. on September 14, 2011 at 11:22pm

 

Poem about suffering a loss

Unless you've lost a child.......then
Don't ask us if we are over it yet. We'll never be over it.
A part of us died with our child.
Don't tell us they are in a better place.
They are not here with us, where they belong.
Don't say at least they are not suffering.
We haven't come to terms with why they suffered at all.
Don't tell us at least we have other children.
Which of your children would you have sacrificed?
Don't ask us if we feel better.
Bereavement isn't a condition that clears up.
Don't force your beliefs on us.
Not all of us have the same faith.
Don't tell us at least we had our child for so many years.
What year would you choose for your child to die?
Don't tell us God never gives us more than we can bear.
Right now we don't feel we can handle anything else.
Don't avoid us. We don't have a contagious disease, just unbearable pain.
Don't tell us you know how we feel, unless you have lost a child.
No other loss can compare to losing a child. It's not the natural order of things.
Don't take our anger personally.
We don't know who we are angry at or why and lash out at those closest to us.
Don't whisper behind us when we enter a room.
We are in pain, but not deaf.
Don't stop calling us after the initial loss.
Our grief does not stop there and we need to know others are thinking of us.
Don't be offended when we don't return calls right away.
We take each moment as it comes and some are worse than others.
Don't tell us to get on with our lives.
We each grieve differently and in our own time frame.
Grief can not be governed by any clock or calendar.
Do say you are sorry. We're sorry, too, and you saying
that you share our sorrow is far better than saying any of those
tired cliches you don't really mean anyway. Just say you're sorry.
Do put your arms around us and hold us.
We need your strength to get us through each day.
Do say you remember our child, if you do.
Memories are all we have left and we cherish them.
Do let us talk about our child.
Our child lived and still lives on in our hearts, forever.
Do mention our child's name. It will not make us sad or hurt our feelings.
Do let us cry. Crying is an important part of the grief process.
Cry with us if you want to.
Do remember us on special dates.
Our child's birth date, death date and holidays are
a very lonely and difficult time for us without our child.
Do send us cards on those dates saying you remember our child.
We do.
Do show our family that you care.
Sometimes we forget to do that in our own pain.
Do be thankful for children.
Nothing hurts us worse than seeing other people in pain.

Comment by Karen R. on September 14, 2011 at 11:06pm

Lorraine, Lorraine, Lorraine!  I just got finished watching the video, thanks so much for sharing. All I could say was WOW as my eyes filled with tears as I watched. What a beautiful young man........your baby. What a lost.  So undeserving of this. Him having courage is an understatement.  I totally relate to how ridiculous it sounds when people say that our children are in a better place.  I will repost a poem about losing a child, perhaps you have seen it already. The author of this poem, truly describes how I feel, it's as if I wrote it.   Sending more hugs.

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• 2
• Next ›
• Page