my shawn

everyday I watch people, going on with there lives, my family and friends to.but I just cant with out you.  I don't understand how my sisters can do this.  my heart is so broken and they know it. once a week if im lucky they will call  and say hows everything going then they say ok bye. its like a 2 min call. I have begged them to talk about you, begged them to hear me out. but they just don't have time for me. and that hurts but nothing hurts as much as loseing you. I feel so broken so empty any more. I give up careing, loving , laughing and smiling, its just not worth it. theres nothing  but pain in my heart and I know it will never go away. don't leave me shawn I cant do this with out you. I need your love, you arms around me. I miss my perfect son, my love, night god bless my shawn, love you forever mom

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Comment by kim on September 20, 2014 at 7:07am

zell. thank you from the heart, yes everything you said is true.  I know you are here for me and I hope you know the same from me.  everyday I go see shawn , no one is out there I like it that way, I cry so hard and talk to him alone.  my husband sits in the car waiting for me. I need that time with my son alone.  I can see it breaks his heart when he sees me crying so hard and he told me so. I beg my shawn to come back to me every night, I beg him to touch me to give me a sign and I have had a few but I so need more. zell I cant live with out my son hes my baby my life.  the pain is so unreal, it does hurt so bad, there are times it hurts to breathe. tears tears tears  every day all day. why is this happening to me why?  my one wish in life is to go with him, I beg to go.   my son my beautiful son, god I need him.    thank you so much my friend please take care im here for you always.  love and hugs  kim

Comment by kim on September 19, 2014 at 3:58pm

thank you zell. yes everyday hurts so dam bad. I do feel very alone, I know no one that has gone through this pain here where I live. as for going to a support group, right now I just cant do it. I don't want to talk to someone that has not lost there only child, I feel theres no way they will understand my pain. I don't want to sit in a group to go through it again.  what I really want I cant have,  my son back or me to go with him.  I do hope every things getting a little better for you but I know its not.  thanks for being here for me zell. love and big hugs   kim

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