Not looking forward to Christmas
It's been a long time since I've posted a Blog on here but I am not looking forward to Christmas I am notBecause the people should be here it's no longer hereSee More
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my mom
the story of my mom's passing is indeed a sad one....first of all, we were very close, probably closer than two people could be....especially in her last two years....anyways....she was to go in for minor surgery to have her ovaries removed, she had a cyst, and the dr. wanted to remove it because in older people the cysts can turn cancerous....I had talked to her a couple days before the procedure....she was in high spirits because she was looking forward to being out of pain, for the past year before she had ulcers, which she had almost died from the year before, and thought this new surgery would give her more relief from pain....well, when she went in for surgery, something went terribly wrong...her heart acted up and they coudnt calm it down, and she developed or maybe already had, a very bad infection....also an abcess on her liver, which is deadly in and of itself....when they went in for the surgery, they found cancer....of course she didnt know she had it....the thing is, this was an outpatient surgery, and she was to return home that day, I called her every day for a week or so and no response so I knew something was very wrong....I finally called the hospital where the procedure was done and they told me she was in the hospital!!!! I was in such shock, I didnt know what to think....I called her room and we did talk, she was weak, and I will never forget what she said next...."Rachel, I need you to be strong for me, I have cancer"....well I started balling on the phone, and she said to stop it....I couldnt control the emotion....that word is one of the worst words ever and my mom? I could go on and on about the transpiring events after that, but the drs. tried to control the infection she had, it did get better, but somehow she deteriorated....then they found the cancer spread into her stomach and was too aggressive....fluid got into her lungs and they kept removing it and it kept coming back, she couldnt breathe....she was so out of it, she was almost a dementia patient....when I visited she didnt know I was there, she didnt know who I was, it was a really weird experience....she wasnt on many drugs either....so I dont know what happened to her....the worst thing about this whole thing is, she was spry and pretty healthy before all this happened, then she got deathly ill, enough to die....I still dont understand it all....her spirit is so strong with me, I can still hear her voice, see her smile, but its so hard....its unreal....she was such a gutsy, special person, and she loved me more than words can say....I was told by others how much she raved about me, and she told people how special I was to her, what deep love she had for me....its almost like one day I was talking to her on the phone, the next she was gone, and thats what I cant get over....doesnt seem possible....my heart is aching for her, I miss her, she was my world....I dont know how I will ever be able to stop the hurt.....Rachel
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Comment
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Comment by John B on June 23, 2011 at 3:50pm
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You're welcome Rachel. Just keep the focus on yourself. Honor your feelings and do what you need to to express your emotions and get lots of rest. Thankfully I have a Best Friend whom I talk to and meet for tea daily, as she also lost her Father 2 months before mine last year. Walking and taking photos of the Beauty in Nature helps too.
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Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on June 23, 2011 at 8:03am
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thank you john for your kind words....i know she isnt sufffering, now im the one that is, long story, hopefully things improve....
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You're welcome Rachel. I never lost anyone close to me in my life before and I hope I don't experience this pain again for a long time. It's important to remember the good moments, even though the deep pain and sorrow of missing a loved one is unbearable. May you find healing and comfort knowing that your mom is no longer suffering.
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thank you for your kind words John, she is ok now, and I know that....I'm better about it, I just miss her....I appreciate your sentiment....I just wish she never had to go through all that, but she is ok now, thats what matters
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I'm very sorry to read how much your mother suffered. I saw my Father die in silent Agony from Cancer, however fortunately he is No Longer Suffering. It's been a Very Long year, as I also Lost "me second mum" Dorothy who died 8 months and 3 days after what would have been my parent's 54th anniversary. However, I have a Very Good Friend whom I talk to daily, who also Lost her Father 10 years after her Brother and Mother passed away from Cancer within a few months of one another. Be Good to Yourself and Do whatever you need to do (or don't do if you don'T feel up to it). I haven't felt like doing much but 'escaping' into w.o.w. (World of Warcraft) an online Lord of the Rings like Fantasy game, which doesn't help with my housework, but I'm no longer the 'perfectionist' I was RaZeD to be by my 'Mother', whom I'm finally learning to understand and Accept as she lost her 'Father' when she was only 14 and shut down becoming Very Emotional buT UNavailable for any of us for most of our 'life' as the 'family' we were but are no longer. Gratitude and Friendship Helps, but it Takes Time.."One Day (or even one Minute) at a time" May you Find Comfort and Remember the Good Moments You Shared with your Mother.
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im so sorry for you too....i miss her so bad, we were such a part of each other....and when i need her most, she isnt here....she is in spirit, but i just need her, miss her, still shocked....unreal feelings about it....yea, i dont see how it will ever get better....but thank you
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Comment by Kerry Whitley on February 16, 2011 at 9:43pm
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I am so sorry for your loss...I know from experience of losing my mom at the age of 17 that the hurt never goes away even after 17 years I am still hurting.
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