more pain

today after seeing my son, I went to the store with my husband to pick up a few things, I never go any more but I thought I would this time. it was the first time someone said merry Christmas to me. I felt my eyes tear up, my heart felt like it stopped. I could not even look  her in the face and I ran out of the store. im not going out again till this crap is over.  how can people say that when she looked  at my face seen my swollen eyes, I never smile, just pain .  please let these holidays be over. 

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Comment by Jesse's Mom on December 6, 2015 at 6:55pm

Hugs Kim. I am just sick all the time. My heart feels so stiff and wooden, especially when I first wake up. Dreams, my dreams, I am always searching for him...always. And I remember I am.

Comment by bluebird on December 6, 2015 at 12:24pm

I understand that. I used to love Christmas, now I hate it. It will never be happy or merry for me again, and I don't want anyone to wish me "Merry Christmas".  I do not respond in kind when anyone does say that to me, I just ignore it. Besides which, I am not Christian and haven't been for many years, but for a long time I was ok with people saying "Merry Christmas" to me, as it is just a pleasant greeting and I was fine with all of that (Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Merry Yule, Happy Kwanzaa, etc.).  But now, if there is a god at all, I hate the bastard, and will not celebrate anything to do with it.

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