Going out for a burger today, just after the Butterfly shadow incident.  Rollin' down the road looking for a bite to eat!

Then the grief wave hits, I was THINKING about being alone, FEELING alone,  even though I have my child to myself....must FEEL sorry for myself, that's selfish.  I shouldn't THINK this way, do I really FEEL this way?  It's making me FEEL not so good...THINKING this way.  I miss my wife and mom, FEELINGS of much sadness engulf me....I am living a life without them.....what can I do about this..this flash of ultimate sadness....not much now, the BAD FEELING will pass soon.....i sure don't want to be stuck in this rut, I'm driving and starting to cry, the windshield wipers won't help, the waters in my eyes...not on my windshield!!  

I reach for a tissue to wipe my nose and realize that it's a tissue that I used to clean up the frosting spill on my car seat from the Cini-minnies I had at Burger King this morning.....Great, now I have frosting up my nose  and on one side of my face!!!!  What if a cop pulls me over, what will I say, I could take the Frosting foil paper off of the containers, stick them on my face and tell the cop, I'm wearing the patch, I'm trying to quit!  Naw, I won't get stopped.especially looking like this, he'd run away at high speed from me, probably would think I have snot all over my face!

I tell Jami and Mom that" I love them and refuse to be without them and if you want to laugh at the frosting on my face then okay, I'm starting to laugh too"...I THINK of how I constantly made them laugh...that brings on a GOOD FEELING!!!  "I'm always here for you and will never stop being here for you, I tell them, FEELING really GOOD by now.  I can see the road again...almost hit a squirrel.  Can't squirrels find something better to do than try to cross the street?  Why do squirrels need to cross the street? They don't see us humans jumping from tree to tree do they?

They don't call them squirrels for nothing, I guess!   Man....what am I hungry for, I'm FEELING pretty GOOD now!

There's a crazy person outside of a taco restaurant, dancing 'really bad' (even I can dance better), he's wearing headphones, and he's really dancing as if he thinks he's a good dancer, and he's holding up a sign ' 2 FOR 1 BURRITOS'.  No thanks, I already stopped for gas!  That would be way too much gas....If I needed enough gas to fly to the moon then I might stop for the special.  

" Sorry Jami and Momma Rose, I kind of got distracted there!  You'll be in my daily life every day, you can count on it" I tell them.  I could just hear my Mom, "What, the squirrel and the crazy dancer are more important than talking to me? "  "Sorry mom"  And Jami laughing at me getting yelled at by Mom.  There, I got it out of my system, wait, not done yet....."I have my life now but don't worry, your both still in it, every every day" imagining they are here and can hear me.....and if they can't hear me, maybe they can feel my words, emotions, who knows, there is way too much unexplained in this life anyway, so why not think they can feel me? Maybe they're here or a part of them is here in NATURE!  Hey, we're all part of NATURE, and NATURE is part of us all.

"OHHhhhhhh Bull".I've heard people say!  Not to me, just in regards to connecting with or imagining you are connecting with your lost loved ones.    Why the heck not believe in it!!!  In the midst of GRIEF, if it's there and it makes you FEEL GOOD or GREAT....Go For It!   It's our NATURE to be self serving and self gratifying!!  I'm a big fan of NATURE, even when my grief is like a tornado, I just figure it will blow over at this stage because the real tornado has taken me away already, I think it has to all that it has hit (grief tornado).  Wow, now grief is quite the beauty of nature's force on us, huh?  

By now I kind of wish NATURE would help that squirrel to attack that bad dancer and chase him back into the restaurant!  Now that's a GREAT FEELING!!!!!  

Na·tureNoun/ˈnāCHər/  The phenomena of the physical world collectively, including plants, animals, the landscape, and other features and products of the earth, as opposed to humans or human creations.

It's a GREATER FEELING  than a BAD FEELING, when we use and reward ourselves with our GOOD FEELINGS!!

You might say that it's just our NATURE to feel BAD, GOOD, OR GREAT.  

hEY, Tony the Tiger always feels GGGRrrrrEAT, even though Captain Crunch said "Tony, yeah he's a real big flake!"

Hope I made someone laugh or at least smile!    Even if this is corny, I don't care, nothing FEELS better than THINKING I can make someone else FEEL GOOD when I do!

Remember, we're not put here to suffer, although it's our NATURE to FEEL that way.  

Make it a THINKing it through day rather than a bad FEELING day, and take care of yourself and if not yourself, then help or take care of someone else!  And whatever in this crazy circus of a world that you want to believe in that makes you FEEL GOOD, OKAY, BETTER,  or GREATER......that's all the Better.....just BELIEVE in what works for you!!!!

We believe in NATURE, it's all around us....we are nature, so Believe in whatever you want!!!

There's a sandwich shop....BLT sounds really GOOD, Ohhhh God, another sidewalk dancer!  I'm losing my appetite.

I'd rather sit and eat and watch two squirrels fighting or playing!!

Love you all..you're all the best friends I've ever had!!!!!!

I love you Jami and Mom, I refuse to live without you both!!!!

Michael