Plato once said that humans are like people stuck in a cave looking at shadows on a wall believing  the shadows are real, but they're just things getting in front of the light.

When you lose a child you become so sad, and full of pain that you become afraid of the light so you go into the dark. I was so afraid of the light after my little boy was killed that I didn't want anything to do with the light. I was so afraid of what would happen if I let the light in. I lived in darkness for many years. Alone and afraid. Always wondering when the next shoe would drop. I didn't trust God, and I didn't trust the light. Then my Ben was killed, and my daughter was on her death bed. Something happened that day. I could no longer keep the light out. It shone bright no matter how deep into the dark I tried to crawl. I began to feel the light shine on me even when I didn't want it too. I believe now that no matter how messy life gets God is there to help clean it up. Of course I couldn't see it right away because I had to go through the grieving process. Some days I still have trouble letting it in, but the days when I can it shines brighter than anything I've ever known. I'm not afraid of the light anymore. I welcome it whenever I can. Funny how before all of this tragedy happened a lot of the time I was afraid of the dark. Than after it all I was afraid of the light. Now I understand that it's my choice whether or not I live in the dark or cherish the light. That's the gift of free will that God has given to all of us. Being afraid is time consuming. Being afraid takes away time better spent walking in the light. I get it now! I am inspired by God to share that light. I have information through man what the grieving process is all about. I can sit and cry in the dark all I want, but it won't bring me happiness. I have every reason to stay in the dark, but that won't bring my sweet boys back. I have learned that living in the dark takes them farther away from me, and farther away from my Father in Heaven. What else is there? If there is no God, than where doe's the love come from? If God does not exist, than why do we even bother to live? The answer is that God does exist. He's right here all the time with everyone. Not always in the capacity we want, but in the capacity we need. I blamed God for everything. I pushed him away because he didn't save my children. What I didn't understand is that He couldn't save them. I know now that if God came down from the heavens and saved everyone the gift of free will would also have to go, and then there would be no purpose to anything. I accept that there are some things that I will never understand here on earth. I believe though that one day the answers that can't be understood in this lifetime will be revealed when the time is right. Who knows maybe I won't want or need to know the answers someday! I do know one thing, if there's no trust, or no love there's no life, here or in the heavens. I have great faith that one day God will come down, and he will take away all the death, and all of the destruction that bad humans have created. I also believe that one day we will all walk together with Jesus basking in the light, and love of God. I don't want to be afraid anymore. I pray to God every day to give me the common sense, strength, courage, and wisdom to let His light shine through even in my darkest hours. Life is not easy, but no one ever said it would be. The deaths of my children has been the worst pain, and sadness I have ever witnessed. It has also been the hardest, and most devastating blow to my heart, and my faith here on earth. I honestly can't think of anything worse than the deaths of my children. Relationships are all built on love, trust, and faith, and so is my personal relationship with my Father in heaven. I have strolled every avenue searching for reasons, answers, and comfort. I have looked for peace, and contentment everywhere. I have lingered in the depths of despair, loneliness, and darkness searching for a way out. When all the time it was right here in my soul, in faith, and in my heart. I found life, love, and the beautiful light that shines right here with God! Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz spoke the 5 words that ring true" There's no place like home."  I know now that home is wherever the light of love shines! I miss my sons dearly, but I feel they're love, and comfort with every ray of light that shines down on me! When we are all together once more that will be the greatest gift of all! Thanks be to God!