I am not looking for judgement here. Please do not hurt me any further by judging what we did is right or wrong. I have already gotten my karma when he make the decision to give us up but it's the reason that I am not able to accept and move on..

J and I met and fall in love at our previous workplace. J is married for 7 years with 2 kids when we know each other. Like any other affair, J told me he's not happy with his marriage. He had no more feelings for his wife and that things at home are getting worst for the last two years. They are no longer on talking term and that his wife is just staying in the marriage because of the kids. J also told me he has been sleeping in the other room for the last 2 years and that they have no sex life anymore.

It started with J sending me flowers one day and sign off as anonymous. I was wondering who for two weeks when he finally admit that he is the one. He express his feelings about three weeks after I received the flowers. He told me he has feelings for me. I was shocked then because of his status and told him that it could be a passing phase and that he will move on. I make a mistake, I should have cut him off totally then because what he did to me later left me broken for the rest of my life. But I did not. We work well together and I thought we have been very good friends. I treasure the friendship and I did not want to make him feel that I cut him off because of his confession. I assure him that we can remain friends. I went home and did not give it much thought. He begin sending me text messages and I still reply but not all the time. For weeks he keep finding excuses to come to my place and confessed that he really love me and that he want us to be together. We first hug at a park and for that moment I too develop feelings for him and I was shocked myself but I hold back because of his status. I never want to become a third party and break anyone's marriage. Affairs are never meant to be successful. I know this rule all the while.

But J never give up. He keep chasing, calling and texting. He even cried. He told me he can't live without me. He say he rather give up everything than to give me up. He told me we are meant to be and he never met any woman in his life that make him feel this way. He want me to be his partner for the rest of his life. He told me he will divorce but he need time. He told me we should have a plan and achieve these objectives before he can divorce. To all the woman out there in the same suitation as me now, don't believe a man who told you this. A married man will divorce immediately if he really love you and determine to get out an unhappy marriage. When a man told you all these, he is just buying time. He want the best of both world only.

So silly me believe J and embark a journey of no return. I thought we have these objectives in place and work towards it. He motivate me and keep assuring me that we are meant for each other and that we must together and if there is any retribution let all the retribution befalls on him. He say he make the first move so of there is any wrong he will bear all the consequences.

Any after a year, we have achieve all his so-called objectives but he's still married. We have both leave that company and move to different organization so that all our common friends will never find out. But J still not yet divorce. We begin to fight almost every other week. I am upset and feel cheated. No doubt he spend a lot more time with me but still he is married and still need to be with them during weekends and public holidays. Even though he always assure me that he is doing his duty as a father only and that he seldom talk to his wife anymore and that they only talk when its related to kids but still I don't want him to stay married. I did not agree to go into this relationship to become a mistress. I agree to go into this relationship with him because he told me we will have a future he will give make me his legal wife.

So our argument gets more frequent, mostly because he is not able to see me during weekends or he goes all quiet during weekends. That drive me crazy. He is never there for me during important occasions like my master degree graduations or when I injure myself. I have to wait for him to settle everything at home like sending the kids to tuition or sending them for dinner then he will have time to come see me.

Then finally one day, he told me this reason that we cannot continue anymore. Guess what? He told me his dad found out about us and that his dad warn him never to divorce and have to keep his family intact. He told me he is afraid that his dad will die of heart attack if he insist. Although his family have history of heart attacks but his dad never once have it. But now he told me because his dad is the head of the family so he needs to obey and mind you J is a man of 37 years old. Would you be able to accept this?

I was so broken. I trusted him and I believe all the promises he made. He told me before if his parents cannot accept me he rather run away with me then to stay behind. He told me all these.. But yet he give me such crappy reason and expect me to accept and move on?

What kind of man is this? I bought a house for us, when he told me he's afraid that once he say he want a divorce his wife will chase him out and his parents may also do that so he is afraid he will be homeless and so I bought a house ready for us and yet now he do this to me..

Of course I know by now this man never truly love me and all his promises are just empty. But I am badly hurt. I feel betrayed and I feel lost. I have believe him and give him so much, put in so much effort, be there for him when his career is at the lowest, yet when he wanted out he think nothing of all these and use the most cruel method. What can I do to move on? Please help me...