Letter to you; my other half in heaven

It's been a month but I still vividly remember the day you were gone
I try so hard to accept this painful reality

In a room of emptiness I wishpered slowly: "I could have done more, I should have done more..."
I'm drowning in this ocean full of regrets and guilts

My heart is broken now that you; part of me, is gone forever
Wonder will I ever be whole again

People say time will heal but the pain of losing you is unbearable
They say I've got to be strong, I've got to move on and life my live but what do they know about this misery that consume my soul

I read, I write, I go out...
I drink, I laugh, I sing and do all the things to keep my mind busy only to find myself alone in tears of agony, here, in our old room....

Forgive me for I'm not as strong as you thought
Think I will need all the time in the world to heal....
To finally be able to smile and say "Don't worry, I'm fine..."


P.S: I miss you, I love you.... Forever and always...


* Vaguely I hear this song; a song that constantly playing in my frantic mind:
"And it only hurts when I'm breathing
My heart only breaks when its beating
My dreams only die when I'm dreaming
So, I hold my breath - to forget...."

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Comment by Jackie cooke on June 7, 2017 at 3:45pm
That's one of the saddest loveliest letters I have read. It's all so true, I died the day Shirl died and now I am just existing. 36 years together and still not a fraction of the time I needed. People say life goes on but mine ended 12 March at 12 20. I hope we all make it through this x
Comment by Natasha on June 7, 2017 at 3:18pm

what a beautiful letter!

there are key moments in life that change you for ever. this lost will affect you for ever...But please do not feel any guilt or regrets, none of us could have changed what ever happened. The past has happened we now have to life with it.

I will always miss the man I loved so much, who make me laugh and dream. Nothing and nobody will ever replace him. this scar will always be there to remind me he's gone, but the scar will heal and be less painful.

After all those years what I can say is that I was then enjoying life 200% when I could. From the day he is gone I understood life is short and we better enjoy it. but the next day you feel so down and do not even understand why... So please laugh and dance and and and if you can, we only have this life to enjoy!

Comment by cin po on March 23, 2017 at 9:04am

I too have regrets and your post deeply resonated with me. I wish I spent more time with him. I wished I laughed more with him. I wish I talked to him more. It's too late now. 

I will never be the same. I am trying to help myself in little ways but if fate decides that I go tomorrow, I will be the happiest person in the world. 

Comment by Jewels on March 19, 2017 at 1:03pm

Valentina, 

This is totally how I feel.  I'm one of the strongest people I know, but this has really broken me.  

Comment by Maxey on March 14, 2017 at 9:11pm
I keep waiting to heal, Valentina, and, after 16 months, it still isn't even close to happening. I can really identify with your poem since that is how I feel most of the time.
I always thought of myself as a very strong person, but this grief has definitely defeated me on all fronts. I wish you peace, try to find a little each day.

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