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Count me in...I cannot find any reason to live. I have gotten much better at functioning. But reason? Nope. I am simply going through the motions. There are still nuclear moments mostly lasting anywhere from five minutes to a half hour where I can hardly stand to hear myself cry. It is gut wrenching, primal pleading. And yet now after four years I am able to better withstand the hours by keeping myself crazy busy.
The only thing I can say is that it took four years (and every bit of it) to get to the point where I am functioning better. Not living mind you, just functioning. In fact, yesterday I called the one friend who has been there for me through thick and thin and I asked him to help me find a way at the end of this year to leave if I am still only functioning. It was a relief to know that someone might be able to reach out and research for that quick painless exit. It's weird how it gave me some calm.
And yet today as I am every day, just like a lot of you hating life. Why are we being put through this? I don't get it......whats the point?
me too Maxey, I have one brother who would miss me, and that would be it. If it weren't for him, I'd probably kill myself... but my mother was strong until she passed 2 years ago :( She never killed herself despite all the loss she had. We buried our Dad very young, and we had a brother who died at 19yo. So much heartbreak. I hate my life today. I just want my Mom back.
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