Just not sure what to do or say anymore.

I don't get it. I have lost so many people in my life. everyone says it get easier. But how are you to grief the lost of one person but then have to turn around and grief someone else. I lost my dad in Feb. 2012, Then I lost a cousin in Oct. 2012 due to a car wreck. She was just a little younger than me. It was hard because she was so young and left 2 lil boys behind. But when I finally excepted my dad's death it was right before my mom passed away in Oct. 2014. But I have lost other family in between them. which was my cousin pus another cousin in 2012. then in 2013 I lost a sister in law, and a uncle. then in 2014 I lost a great aunt and my mom. Not knowing I was going to lose my mom or ever thinking I was going to watch her die infornt of me. That still sticks with me to this day and its one of them things you wish you can forget but yet you don't want to forget it. Then in March of 2015 I lost a cousin but she was like a grandma too me because she was close to my Grandma and always around. I didn't make it to PA for the services due to short noticed. Then in August of 2015 I got the phone call that my grandma *my dad's mom* passed away. I left from KY and drove 6 hours to PA to help my plan and burried my grandma. Which I was not ready to do because it wasn't even a year since we burried my mom. Then in march of 2016 my great uncle *my Grandma's brother* who served in the serivces, who I was going to see when I went to california. Passed away.. before my trip. I just can't believe how much lost i have had since 2012 but I am not sure if I got to fully grief the lost of my dad, my mom or my grandma. because they raised me to be who I am and they aren't here to help me get through life now. I was 23 when my dad and I wasn't ready to lose him. But I didn't have a choice and I didn't even know he was sick. My mom was sick from 2008 on. But I wanted her to have peace and to stop being so sick and the only way she was going to get cured is for God to take her home. Grandma was kinda the same way because she didn't know us half the time and her oldtimers was getting worse.  But I don't know how to handle the fact that they are all gone. I am only 27 and I wish they were still here. I try my best to handle it and not let it hurt so much. But the pain is still very real. I am wondering is it because maybe I am still griefing the lost of my dad, mom, gram and everyone else? I just don't know it? :( I know today is fathers day and I am thinking of my dad like crazy and just wish he was here and I could be in his arms and him neve letting go of me. I love and miss you all. 

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Comment by Traci Ann on July 2, 2016 at 4:25pm

Julia Bobbitt, Honestly there are times that I just want to give up on living. I still to this dad wish that my dad was here more and more because he was the best person to go to about my faith and religion. Since he has been gone its been really hard on me. My mom and I didn't get close until october of 2013. So a year before she died was the best year me and her had. We would talk everyday on the phone and I know miss them talks. My gram wasn't in good health after my dad passed. Her oldtimers got worse and there were times she didn't even know me. It was heartbreaking of course but I knew it was because of her health. she always remember me as a little a girl. But I try to live by the fact that I am my fathers Daughter and my dad would want me to stay strong and live my life. But like I said there are times that I just wanna give up. Because the hurt is still bad at times. I feel like you will the pain ever go away. But then I am reminded that the pain is what makes it all real and what I had and lost. My family and I hardly talk and when we do we don't talk about the loses we had. This website has helped me to a point. I just wish they were all still here then I wouldn't have to go through this pain alone. Also I just had it comfirmed that I had a miscarriage in may. So that makes 2 now. Its not easy. But I just keep going because I know I wanna see my family again someday.

Comment by julia bobbitt on July 1, 2016 at 7:21pm

I remeember the year  I lost my mom in January then lost my stepdad  in October.It was very hard and I see you had many losses so close to each other.You have a lot of courage and strength to keep going.Its been over 30 years and I still miss them.Now I am mourning the loss of my sister and wondering if  the pain will ever diminish.

 

Comment by Traci Ann on June 23, 2016 at 2:35am

i know first hand it isn't easy. Not am I only dealing with loses but I am now in debt and I am not working and it hasn't been easy. My boyfriend is trying his best to help me but his job isn't the best either and money is so tight. I am losing my mind so much that I don't know if I am coming or going anymore. 

Comment by dream moon JO B on June 22, 2016 at 4:25pm

yep no fealin had multi loss sisn 2012 2 dad dies on3.3.2012.thn muti loss in 2012 thn 2013 2014b201520016 thn my lif gets evn shitty mum gt stat demsaa im so fuket up in my i lifee u cud say

sorry a bot yore losses 2 i am im so mest up coz of it im a weck u cnt pull frm weck u cud say

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