It's been one month since I lost my boy.

Hard to believe it's already been a month. He was the sweetest thing... always happy to see me and spend time with me. One of the things I miss the most is sharing popcorn with him while we watched movies.

He was only 8 years old. There was  so much life left in him, I hate that this has happened. I'm constantly having panic attacks and I feel like my life is completely over. I'm angry that the world keeps on moving without him in it.

I've been forcing myself to run through my daily routine despite the depression that's set over me. My family has been very supportive, but they're going about their lives and I'm just stuck in this black hole. I have two beautiful daughters that are the only thing that keeps me in check.

I don't believe in God, or Heaven, or any of that. I don't believe I'll get to see my baby Jack again, and every time someone tells me he's in a better place or that he's with my grandfather now, I just want to scream.

I'm not really sure I'm even able to convey entirely how I feel right now.

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Speed Weasel commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"GriefShare is a church based support group. They do have meetings online, but the usual format is a group of people experiencing a loss getting together weekly to watch videos (13 weeks total) about grief and loss. After the video, we talk about the…"
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Addie replied to Kali's discussion It was not supposed to be like this in the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
"Kali I’m so so sorry you are going through this. Grief is hard enough, but going through it secretly, all the while having to continue showing up for your kids, is just brutal. Perhaps your friend was careful to hide your conversations behind…"
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It was not supposed to be like this

In 2014 I met the most amazing man ever. We were both in our very early 20s and were looking for different things at the time. We ceased communication for roughly 6 months. During which time, he completed basic training and joined the Air Force. By the time we reconnected he was already at his first duty station.. 8 hours away.We decided we wanted to continue our relationship and proceeded to cultivate a deeply emotional connection. Regular calls and video chats, visits while he was home on…See More
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