Comment

Comment by Maxey on February 7, 2017 at 9:31pm

Joanne,
I, too, think about my husband and when we first met.It is easy to get obsessed thinking of pleasant times you shared. Why not? Those memories are things that are both painful and life giving. Can you imagine if you did not have those things to hold on to? Those lovely times when you and your love shared so many things? I do thank God for giving my the gift of my husband; I am so much in despair, but I would not want to ever forget the memories we shared. It is true that when your true love dies, part of you goes too. I am 77, so I am much older than you and have less time to spend grieving. I, like some others, think it might be wise to seek some counseling or a grief group since you still many things to experience in your life. Your children will bring you comfort, and you will keep their Dad alive for them. If you are religious, you are not alone. Ask Him for help and guidance, He will listen. Some days I know He must be around since I do not know how I get through some days without going insane.
I wish you peace and some comfort. Come back here whenever you need us to listen.

Comment by joanne on February 5, 2017 at 2:06pm

Thankyou all , I can not find the word to say how nice and helpful your kind words are, nobody else understands, they really don't , here I can speak openly with anyone thinking I should get a grip, which is what I know my family think I should do. last night I dreamt of him, nothing vivid or real , but just having in my dreams made me feel slighty better today, not so overwhelmed like I've felt all week. Bluebird therapy is not for me and my son won't go either, even though he has anxiety and panic attacks, my daughter did a six week course and it did help her although unfortunately she has just stated having anxiety, so I will look into getting her some more help.Morgan once again your words are so beautifully written and Annej I read a post you wrote on another post , the in the kitchen  unhooking bra one, and it was so moving, the love you have for your husband is magically. I wish you all the best and thank you again and thank you to this group, there are some amazing, kind hearted people on here who despite their own grief and heartbreak are alway offering such kind words to everyone else, it's very much appreciated.  XXXXX

Comment by bluebird on February 4, 2017 at 10:13pm

joanne,

I get it. So many of us here do....of course each relationship is different, but in general we do understand. We didn't have kids, but I know that my sister and parents have lost the person I was, the person I should be, because so have I, and it's sad.

If you feel as though you can, perhaps therapy might help you....it's not a bad idea for your kids, either. Or, if you are religious, perhaps lean on your church/synagogue/mosque/etc. at this time.

Comment by morgan on February 4, 2017 at 4:58pm

It is ok to be sad for as long as it takes. Some things you never get over, and never quite heal from. The scars you have on the outside are easiest for others to see and relate to.. The ones inside can be the hardest for others to understand and relate to.. nothing is ever "the same" or "similar" as what you have gone through. While you may feel alone, there are others who hurt similarly, and it's different for everyone. It is ok to be sad today and try to do more tomorrow, just as it's ok to never be the same, just be the best you you can be every day.  Please be as well as you can be I am so sorry for your loss.