I Have learned ,to my own detriment, to hold in my emotions until the most inopportune time. This started when i was very young, i had certain family members who always told me to keep my mouth shut, and that crying was showing weakness. the same ones who told me that when i was five are the same ones who told me the same things when my mom and sister died. they say old habits die hard, well this bitch is taking it's sweet time. My whole life i have had anxiety and have always been worried about what people think of me etc etc. now i feel as if i am inflicting that on myself. i feel so guilty for being the only person in my little family who is left, i miss them so terribly i feel like i don't deserve happiness if i don't somehow get things accomplished quickly. i think i am depressed but i'm afraid to go to a doctor and have him commit me or something. my crazy mood swings and angry attitude are causing arguments between my husband and i . he has been with me through everything but i think he is coming to a breaking point with my constant anger and lashing out. i am exhausted but i just can't stop.
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