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Comment by dream moon JO B on December 12, 2014 at 4:30pm

yep me 2

2 mush multi loss in lst 3 yrs or so 

famly feuds on bth sdes now

Comment by Traci Ann on December 12, 2014 at 3:47pm

This year isnt the same for me. I did put up my tree and my Mom and Dad's oranments that I got for on my tree. I started that the year my dad died. they are from things to remember they have a picture and saying in loving memeory of my wonderful father. then my moms is just the newest saying in loving memeory of my wonderful mother. Then I have a few of my grandma's homemade oranments hanging and the 12 days of Christmas oranments that was giving to me they have been in my family for years. But with all the trips I had to make to PA between Septemeber and October plus now I own my house with my boyfriend. I really don't care to go Christmas shopping or to do anything else for the holiday. I was just used to the fact that this was going to be my 3rd Christmas without my dad and my 18th christmas without my Grandma Swanson. Then my 2nd Christmas away from my family. But didn't know this was going to be my first Christmas without my mom. I feel like I can't get through this holiday. I hardly got through thankgiving. I just am wishing that the holiday's would go back to the way they was when I was a little kid but I know they can't. It makes it even harder when its just you, your boyfriend, and your dog in the house. so I just hope that some type of Christmas wish of mine would come true this year. But the last christmas my family was all together for was Christmas of 2011. 

Comment by morgan on December 3, 2014 at 10:14pm

This time of year for me is horrendous now.  My husband used to be the one that put up and decorated the tree.  He would get me in the spirit.  He would do all the cooking and shopping for the special dinners we would have.  In 2012 on the day before Xmas we took him to the ER he was so sick.  On the day after Xmas he was diagnosed with stage four cancer and was given 9 to11 months to live.  He died January 21st 2013,  7 days after my 62nd birthday.  This time of year is beyond hate for me.  I am collapsing. 

 

So last year for the first anniversary of having to live through this time I went to Hawaii for three months.  It was bad there too the only advantage was the weather.  This year I will have to stay here in Minnesota where I have relocated where my oldest sister lives after living for 30 years in the tropics.  I hate it.  

 

Today when I went to go work on my project house I drove out of the garage and got around the first corner and realized something was terribly wrong.  I stopped and found I had a flat tire. Not just low, totally flat riding on the rim.  It is 11 degrees outside.   I tried to maintain and get my act together but while waiting for the tire company associate to arrive I broke down.  Crying uncontrollably.  Anything like this just sends me into a tailspin.   As I was sitting in the back of the van with the hatch open crying a woman driving by stopped to ask if there was something she could do to help.  In my stuttering way I explained that the man was coming to help but that I was crying because I lost my husband and I can't handle this stuff anymore.  She said she understood and instead of saying what I normally might have I said "Well, maybe you do".  Turns out she lost her husband six years ago.

 

So tell me, as hard as this is and as terrible as I hate this life did my husband send this woman to me to try and help?  It doesn't take away the hate or the distress or my anxiety about getting throughout the next several months but I do have to wonder.   It doesn't happen often but periodically there have been weird things that have happened.  What were the chances that the woman who stopped was someone who had actually lost her husband?  

 

Mind you, I don't believe this was a diety at work but at times like this I do ask myself what is percolating out in the universe where such randomness seems so coincidental.  Is my husbands energy trying to let me know he is still watching out for me knowing how bad this time of year is for me??   I have been having so many rough days in the past week again maybe he just knew I would see this one and try to calm me back down.  

Comment by bluebird on December 3, 2014 at 9:14pm

Same here. I used to love this time of year, now I hate it.  Christmas means nothing to me anymore -- I don't have my beloved here to share it with me, and I don't believe in the version of god it celebrates.  I can't even celebrate solstice, because it's just lonely without my husband here. Plus New Year's Eve is our anniversary (of when we officially became a couple).

I'm sorry this sucks for both of us, for all of us.