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Comment by Mary on June 28, 2016 at 10:37pm

Hi Val. I live in Canada in British Columbia. It is so hard missing our husbands. It is hard to explain how we feel but you and others (Robin) share it's exactly how you feel.
Yes I believe too Robin, that children's grief is different. I'm thankful so far that my 3 kids are still doing things, school and work and being with friends. Maybe that's our hard part, our best friend is gone. The guy that you could talk to about anything, you could snuggle with, share your hopes, your thoughts and uncertainty s with.
I miss the most is just hearing him, seeing him, sharing my life with him. I don't have any real close friends that I can just call anytime ... Well maybe I could but I feel like I'm imposing as they are with their families and probably don't want to hear me and my sadness. Probably makes them uncomfortable.
My husband was my everything. I just loved being with him. I don't know how I can live without him. Sure I can still "live" but a life of sadness, misery and hopelessness.

Comment by Robin on June 28, 2016 at 7:05pm

I know exactly how you feel today is my six week mark and it hurts more now because the loneliness has set in I miss my Kevin so much it hurts so much, we have seven children but their grief is different my life stopped the day he passed.I feel your pain and understand

Comment by val on June 28, 2016 at 10:57am

Hi mary . i spent the afternoon moving furniture around lounge ,god knows why as i then put it all back, i suppose in my mind i thought if i dont have to look at his chair every time i come in the room it would be easier , but in fact it had the opposite effect , as i missed the ruddy chair , its like hes still sitting there , he would laugh cos im known for changing a room a round often and hed say here she goes again and im trying to watch TV or play chess on line ....so now the chair is back in the corner and ive sat down , it feels safe now as though hes still here ....i feel cocooned in the chair ....like you I have  no close friends, my neighbours are all residents at the retiremensts scheme i manage  and obviously have to consider professional boundaries and its them and us ,some are nice , some arent ..... theirs the inevitable gossip,,,,,and we supported each other really ... i always knew he was here when i popped upstairs lucnhtime to tell him about my day or laugh at something someone came in about ....now theirs no one to tell ...next year my company is changing drastically and ill be redundant and have to move off site anyway , he knew but it was hard to discuss of course as he knew id be alone in that ...must have been so hard for him ....new era for me all round , god knows how ill cope with it all,,,,been here 26 years and married 24 of them so was always them and us , he grew up same village so everyone new his family as well, so strangers keep stopping when i get a paper , which is hard ...and im in and out dodging residents so i dont break down in front of them...., you can private message me if its any help .

are you in UK like me  ?

take each day as it comes , im up and down , this afternnon not bad as i was busy , then the funeral people sent the order of service by e mail and two things incorrect so that set me off, im thinking god they cant even get that right .............I should eat but dunno what , we had to do seperate food for the last few months as he couldnt swallow solids and i emptied all his food out yesterday and the cupboard was bare and i thought well what did I eat then...havent a clue ...but im certainly not thin!!! my lovely dog just walked in with a bone and looked up at me as if to read my mind and say share lol hes been my salvation this week ............ 

Comment by Mary on June 28, 2016 at 10:15am

Val. I'm sorry for your pain. I know your pain. I also feel it every day. No one understands it unless they have been there. And you are right, our children have different relationship with him. My kids are 25, 21 and 16. I try to be strong for them but it's hard to push on. I too can't eat, can't do anything. All I can say is take one day at a time. Do what u need to do. I don't really have any close friends as they all have their own families. I try to pray and I talk a lot to my husband whose I feel with me at times. Take care. Hugs.

Comment by val on June 28, 2016 at 7:06am

one week so far since my hubby passed and oh god it hurts , pain like no other ,feels so heavy ,i cry so much ,dose this ever end , everything is a reminder , even going to shop for a paper , I dont even read it , just feel i ought to have it , no interset in food, this site i think is helfull as we can pour it out and not be interrupted and dont see pitying faces ,cant talk to anyone , not that there is really anyone , son 38 but hes greiving too, and we have different memories of course , so hard  . back to work soon as funeral over , dread it , I live on site residential retirement schem manager and evey time i wnat to step out door someone says they are sorry and i cant even look at them i mumble thanks ,but i  ont want to discuss him/it with any of them ,i just want to die with him but i know i have to go on for my son x

Comment by Mary on June 7, 2016 at 11:35pm

Big hug to you. Thank you for that suggestion. I was trying to avoid medication because I wanted to be able to look after my kids properly. I will try that natural herb. It is difficult every moment but I do try to think how much more difficult for my kids if I wasn't here too. Sending prayers to all and asking God for strength and guidance

Comment by Vicki on June 7, 2016 at 8:16pm

How about we just know we're not alone and may God give us strength every day to go on. Let's just give a big group hug and pray for each other every day. I have to and I'm sure each one of you with kids have to. They need us more than ever now. A small suggestion, I take Valerian root every day, especially when I feel anxiety coming on. It's an herb that can be bought at most pharmacies, vitamin stores or online.

Comment by Mary on June 6, 2016 at 9:17am

Dear Robin. My heart breaks for you. I know the pain is unbearable. I too feel the same that the world still goes on. People are still doing what they do and my life is upside down and I feel so alone. It is hard to do anything - I have no motivation. I'm developing anxiety when I have to go out to get groceries or go to my sons school.
I wish I could tell u how to "fix" it but I can't. I pray for strength and guidAnce but mostly I don't feel it. Hugs to you.

Comment by Robin on June 6, 2016 at 7:53am

Mary I truly feel your pain and loss and wish were were not here, it has not even three weeks yet, my days are not any easier, feel lost and broken and alone we have seven children and six grandbabies, my youngest is 17 my husband lost his dad at 13 now my son must go through it, what makes it so hard for me is I know my kids will move on get married, the ones still home will move out and they should, they have their whole lives ahead of them, my life at 46 has stopped my love is gone taken from me at 47 my life will never be the same and like you and everyone here struggle to keep going, struggle to get up and face the day alone because bills need to be paid and the world doesn't care my soulmate is gone, it just feels so hopeless.

Comment by Mary on June 5, 2016 at 3:53pm

Dear Vicki
I know exactly what you are saying about your son. Mine are 16, 21 and 25 and they each feel that way. Who can I ask to tell me fix my trailer; my daughter says who will help me with my horse; my youngest who will take me hunting and boating? Things I don't know how to do. They have uncles too but like u said its not the same
Yes I find it harder each today. Today was One of the worst - I had to be present at my youngest basketball tournament. We used to go together. I kept looking by the door watching for my husband. I seen husbands and wives together, people talking about their wives, dads cheering on their kids. It was so hard.
I feel like I can't go on. The only reason I am trying is for my kids. They don't need anymore heartache. Doesn't God know I can't do it - I don't want to be strong - I can't. I'm praying for peace and comfort but most times I don't feel it. I just feel heartache, misery and despair.

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