Evening 4-10-15 Full Circle

It has been a day.  The morning was very difficult. I woke up to once again face the reality of my wife being gone but also have had leg numbness and pain of various levels for last 2 months. 

Long story short saw 2 doctors today both recommended I see a neurosurgeon.  That has scared me. Along with triggering how much I missed my wife, she was a nurse so I always had a trusted medical professional to rely on.  I now wonder what next?

After leaving the second doctor, I had a screaming emotional outburst in my car.  I cried with anguish for my loss, I cursed fate, I yelled out at my wife for her alcohol addiction and tragic decision to take her own life while intoxicated, and I yelled out that my and my sons life would be better.

The scream therapy may have helped, after I got home I felt less bad for about 3 hours.  As evening has worn on sadness has resumed now with fear of surgery.

Perhaps when I wake up tomorrow, I will go out to the garage sit in my car and let it fly.

Views: 54

Comment

You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!

Join Online Grief Support - A Social Community

Comment by Valerie on April 10, 2015 at 9:46pm

Hi Mark,
Sorry you are having a rough day! You've got to let that out! I've done a lot of my screaming, crying and whaling in my car!!! With the windows rolled up of course. Get the emotions out of yourself or you will explode! I'll pray for your health and healing both for you and for your loss. Hang in there!
Valerie

Groups

Latest Activity

Gary Ruby is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Tuesday
Welcome Them!
Julie is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Nov 5
Welcome Them!
Speed Weasel commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"GriefShare is a church based support group. They do have meetings online, but the usual format is a group of people experiencing a loss getting together weekly to watch videos (13 weeks total) about grief and loss. After the video, we talk about the…"
Oct 21
Natasha commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"is griefshare a website like this?"
Oct 21
dream moon JO B updated their profile
Oct 16
Morgan Sangrouber is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Oct 10
Welcome Them!
Addie replied to Kali's discussion It was not supposed to be like this in the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
"Kali I’m so so sorry you are going through this. Grief is hard enough, but going through it secretly, all the while having to continue showing up for your kids, is just brutal. Perhaps your friend was careful to hide your conversations behind…"
Sep 26
Kali added a discussion to the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
Thumbnail

It was not supposed to be like this

In 2014 I met the most amazing man ever. We were both in our very early 20s and were looking for different things at the time. We ceased communication for roughly 6 months. During which time, he completed basic training and joined the Air Force. By the time we reconnected he was already at his first duty station.. 8 hours away.We decided we wanted to continue our relationship and proceeded to cultivate a deeply emotional connection. Regular calls and video chats, visits while he was home on…See More
Sep 26
1 Comment

© 2024   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service