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Comment by MIchael A Ballard on December 21, 2011 at 1:01am

I keep trying to ignore Christmas but feel obligated to have it for my child!
It's torturing but there is a choice there!

Christmas was always stressful for me, now I just wish it wouldn't come.

Then I think that when it's over with I might feel sad that I kicked it away!
Almost seems like a lose-lose situation!
Please let me know if you find the answer!

Take care,

Michael 

Comment by BeccA on December 8, 2011 at 6:20pm

In a few days it will be one year that I lost my oldest daughter, 36, to cancer.  So last year when Christmas came we had already opened gifts around her and we all were pretty numb.  This year, however, we are all feeling the loss for the holidays season.  Everyone is different in the way they approach it from tip toeing to going all out and making it seem link everything is just great.  I understand very well what you said about moping around.  The weird thing is that I lost an infant son 21 years ago and remember very clearly how "lost" and empty the holidays left me for many years afterwards....this year I am thrown back with those feelings but must say it is a little bit different since I am ?? older or that my daughter was older?  I don't know, but I do know the torn heart and emptiness I feel each day.  I understand that it will get better with time.  Also like Anna said with grandkids involved now, I have to reach wayyy back and make their holidays great.  Also I agree with Anna in that I cannot wait for January to come!   Take care and try to find something each day to brighten your day.  

Comment by Amanda A. on December 8, 2011 at 5:14am

I am sorry for your loss Anna,

I lost my mom on Sept 23, 2011, that is who I am grieving for. I am sorry that you have to miss out on your annual christmas breakfast and traditions. It sounds like you have a good family for support, I am blessed that I have a wondeful sister, brother in law and father too, along with my husband and children. I guess this first Holiday is going to be hard to deal with, but it sounds like trying to make the best out of it is what you are doing, and I dont think there is much else we can do. I know my mom would never want me to lay around and be sad and forget about Christmas, so for that I will try to go about it with some kind of holiday cheer. I pray everyday for God to give me the strength to just go on, and be happy. Its just so hard.. Thank you!

Comment by anna l. on December 8, 2011 at 2:44am

Amanda it is so hard to deal with the holidays.  If I had my choice I would head south and spend it with my sister who winters in Mexico.  But my grandkids lost so much with an uncle last year and papa this year.  We have always had our Christmas on Christmas eve.  All the kids and grandkids come over.  We play cards, watch Christmas movies, have full turkey dinner with all the trimmings and after dinner we open our gifts.  That way I get to have my kids without sharing with their inlaws.  They can go to inlaws on Christmas day if they want.  On Christmas Tom and I would wake up, have pancakes and eggs and just spend the morning hanging out with each other.  I cant stand the idea of Christmas coming now.  I have told my kids I do not want to spend the night at home because I simply can not wake up without him here on that special morning.  I have to buy the gifts, put up the tree, decorate the house, because my family need me to do that but I sure do not feel like it.  I am going to go shopping with two of my nieces on Saturday so that will be nice and might put me in the mood to think of what in heck to buy for people.  Grandsons are coming for a sleep over on Saturday night so we will put the tree up then.  They will enjoy that.  January will be a relief when it comes.  So much missing now there is no joy in anything