At Nicks memorial on March 20, 2015 Nicks mother told a beautiful story. She said that when they were cleaning out his apartment his brother showed her a necklace that Nick always hung over this bed. He said Nick never spoke about the necklace, nobody knew where the necklace came from, but wherever Nick lived he took it with him and always put it over his bed. When his mother looked at it she said saw and immediately recognized it as hers. The necklace was a butterfly necklace. She said she didn't know how it had come into Nicks possession but Nick treasured the necklace. I don't remember much from his memorial except that story. I remember feeling like my legs were going to give out on me and I felt dizzy at times but that story I heard clearly and it really touched my heart. Nick's brothers and his dad were all wearing a butterfly pendant at the memorial. Ever since then every time I see a butterfly I think of Nick.

The first time I asked Nick to give me a sign, I was so desperate for a sign, I turned on the TV and the actress on the TV show was wearing a butterfly necklace. I thought no way its a coincidence and then just like if Nick was trying to prove to me it wasn't a coincidence I looked at my phone and I opened my browser and on the webpage there was a row of butterflies. That was the first time I realized Nick was with me.

My daughter went to her Junior prom this past weekend her boyfriend asked her if she wanted a pink corsage or a white corsage. She picked a pink corsage. Her boyfriend not knowing the butterfly story at all came with a corsage and it was a butterfly corsage. I had been worried about my daughter going to prom and it was her first time out so late. My friend that was taking the pictures was even amazed. She said "He is with you!" My eyes got teary. Once I saw the butterfly corsage I knew she was going to be ok. Here she is with her corsage.

Yesterday after my soccer game I was feeling down just really thinking about Nick (he also played soccer). Then my daughter started talking to me about the corsage, I asked her if her boyfriend knew, she said he had no idea and that she was shocked herself when she saw it. I told her maybe its a coincidence. Just as I said that I looked up and there in the park at 9:00 oclock at night, on a sign that just had the park hours,there was a butterfly balloon. I knew then it wasn't a coincidence it was Nick's way of telling me she was going to be ok. I was so happy when I saw the balloon. I felt this great sense of calm. The signs turned my sadness into happiness just to know he is with me.

So this morning I thought I should share my experience with Nick's mother. I was about to  email her at the when I saw a butterfly cookie.  I've been to this Starbucks myself many times before never seen cookies there before they usually just have doughnuts, scones, and muffins.  I knew right then that Nick wanted me to share the stories with his mother.

I feel so thankful that Nick is around me. I am not going to lie sometimes I do feel that I am going crazy. After seeing the butterfly balloon last night I spoke to Nick out loud and I asked him "Can you please lay with me I really need to sleep tonight." I said it out loud.  I felt such warmth come over me and I slept like I hadn't been able to sleep since he left.

I feel extremely blessed that I am able to let him into my life that way I have. It has really helped me cope with him not being here. I miss you more than you know Nick. I will always love you. There isn't a day that I don't think of you and wish you were here. Thank you for being with me.

"For the rest of my life I will search for moments full of you" - annonymous