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Comment by Charlotte on February 2, 2010 at 9:32am

My son died from an overdose on Thanksgiving Day and I am still facing each day with questions and a sense of loneliness that only a Mother can feel. The drug world is something that only an addict can understand and it will never make sense to us. I miss my son so much but I find comfort in the fact that he will never be tortured by this horrible life ever again. Looking back and trying to understand only paralyzes and prevents us from moving on because there are no answers and there was nothing we could have done to prevent their decision to use. We must live our lives for our sons and be happy and enjoy all of God's wonders as he brings us comfort if we only listen to him and know we will see our boys again.
May God bless you today and bring you peace of mind,
Charlotte

Comment by Laura Villarreal on January 27, 2010 at 3:37pm

Connie, you would not believe the conversations I have had with God the past 8 months. At first I was angry with my daughter for leaving me...she knew how much I worried about her being so far away (she in Alaska, me in Texas). When I was told it was a 4 wheeler accident I was raging with anger...my son-in-law is an adrenaline junkie...fast cars, motorcycles, etc. She was not wearing a helmet...she promised me she ALWAYS wore a helmet. When they bought their house I became a bit complacent and thought it was a message from God not to worry so much...the name of their street was Blessing Ave. I have since decided God has a warped sense of humor. I have heard so many times it was "all part of God's plan" or "God does everything for a reason". My faith in God has never wavered, because like you I know He has carried me this far, but I do have every right to question His plan or reason for taking my child. My logical mind knows I will never have answers; my heart knows I will get my answers when I die. All I can do is wait. Until that day comes I try to honor my daughter each day in some way, no matter how small the gesture. My head is so screwed up without cluttering it with maybes and what ifs...she is physically gone from this world but her essence remains with me. This is what I try to focus on.
Take care...Laura

Comment by Rochelle Kramer on January 27, 2010 at 12:15pm

I dont have kids, so I cant relate to what your going through completely. But I have dealt with the same emotions after my mom died 3 years ago. You can run yourself in a million circles, trying to figure out the answer. You might spend days, months, until you get to a point that, your just tired of trying to figure it out. I dont really have an answer, because there are still times that I get fustrated to why this happened now in my life. It's like your trying to reach into God brain, depicting every little detail, and you just want to scream and tell him to give you the answers, what to do, and how to live on. The only thing I do know, is that, were not suppose to know. As humans, were all a little bit of control freaks. Cause and effect. Where's the manual again??? Though, when LIFE happens, and this is what grief is, its LIFE, happening right in front of our eyes. It's a sad part, but it can be eye opening. We ARE the "after life", so to speak. Were the ones who got left behind, and have to wiggle our way through it. We are the fighters.
There were about 3 different times that I thought I had reached "acceptance". HA. I have no clue what that is, or what it means to be there. I think its a goal that shrinks like to throw our way, just to make us feel better, that there is and end to the grief. But, moving forward, it can happen in any way shape or form. I think, moving forward, is the ability to live life everyday, get in a few laughs, and feel like your not a crazy person for a split second. It's the ability to smile and say "he would have loved this". I just dont think the sadness ever leaves, we just have to figure out our best way to live with it.
One day about a year ago. I went to my moms grave, and I just yelled at it. I hated that she left me here all alone. It helped in some way, even though I felt a little bad after. That anger, can get scary though. It can eat you up until your this bitter person hating every happy thing in life. My therapist told me how to counter my anger, or feelings in general, if your feeling mad, angry, happy, sad, or wutever at whoever, write a letter to them, saying everything you want to say to that person. Dont mail it out, just put it in an envelope and tuck it away. It can be to your son, or to God. Take a few months, and read the letter to yourself, see where you are, and if you feel differently.
The choice to change is up to us. You just have to decide whether to make the decision.
I hope this has helped in some way, and I hope that I didnt come off to strong. Just would like to share what Ive learned and help. Feel free to communicate with me and I am here if you ever need to talk.