another bad family day

today my older sister called and it was another big fight, now in a few days I have fought with both my sisters, they are telling me to stop crying get on with life. there upset that I have made no time to get to know there grandkids. I cant believe  its all about them, all I have ever wanted was for them to stop cutting me off when I talk about shawn. and everything blew up. I just cant  do this any more I cant. I have never been so tired, so hurt by my sisters. I just want so bad to go with shawn,  to be happy again. why are they hurting me , why cant they see its not about them right now, I needed them but now I want nothing to do with them its gone way to far now. I have no family now im done. I need to grieve , to cry. and more then anything I need to die, to go with my son, to feel his love. I cant do anymore I just cant. theres no room left for any more pain, I feel like a door mat ,  I never thought my sisters  had such a cold heart. dear god forgive me but I wish it had been there child not mine, I feel nothing for them, I have lost respect and love for them. I need to be with shawn, I need so bad to rest.  this  world has to much pain, I cant go on,  I cant keep trying.

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Comment by Lost & Alone on August 15, 2014 at 8:10pm

You know family's some times do not know how to handle the death of a child or love one. I think that your sisters love you, but they do not know how to handle your greif. Most people are scared of death or guilty about. And when emotions are high and people feel guilty they strike out at the ones who love them most.

I hope your sisters come to terms with greif/death and support you any way the can, I also hope that you will be able to understand that your family is the biggest help you will ever have.

Your Shawn would never want you to loose touch with your family...

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